What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl (I think). I was born as a girl, but I've always felt more connected to a masculine look. In high school I desperately tried to look more feminine and it didn't feel too bad, but now that I'm out of high school and I can express myself however I want, it does feel better. When I was a child I hated everything that had to do with being a girl; dresses, makeup, long hair etc. When I hit puberty and started growing boobs, that's when it got worse. I hated my body. Now I'm fine with having boobs, but I don't love it. I'm neutral about them.
Right now I don't completely feel like a woman, but I'm not a man either. I don't mind having a female name or being grouped with women in locker rooms or restrooms. I speak many languages, but the country I'm from has a language without gendered pronouns or words. But in English and other languages people have always used she/her pronouns. And I'm usually fine with that. It doesn't feel super right but not wrong either. I'm having a hard time defining my gender, I could describe it in percentages. I usually feel about 80% woman, sometimes I feel 100%, sometimes less. I feel like I'm not woman enough, but I'm not non-binary enough to be non-binary either, if that makes any sense? Anyway, I guess I'm looking for advice. How did you know you were non-binary? And if you're not non-binary, how did you know you weren't?
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Have you ever had the same feeling?
I'm scared of life. I feel shameful. I am 31, but I still feel like I am a little girl. I am afraid of taking decisions. I am afraid to try new things. I am afr...
-
Toxic academia - advice?
The last two years were difficult - our department was toxic and my advisor was abusive. It is getting worse so we (mom and me) decided to prepare an appeal to...
I think you can be non-binary if you want to be.
You don't feel completely like a woman, and you don't feel completely like a man. You can figure out what part of the in-between space feels the most comfortable to you - whether you decide to change your name or dress more masculine, or whatever. But I think you are non-binary, if that description rings true to you.
Labels are only useful in that they can help you define something about yourself and find other people who also think that label applies to them, but the label fits you - you don't have to try to make yourself fit the label.
You don't have to feel 100% anything, or 50% anything. How you feel about and express yourself could be different from day to day. Maybe you're more gender-fluid?
I'm a cis-woman who doesn't feel particularly attached to my gender. I'm definitely not masculine, but like you, I feel maybe 80% like a "real" woman at most. I spend a lot of my time not feeling bi enough to be bi, and not nb enough to be nb. But really, there is no threshhold to cross - I don't need to prove myself to be part of the LGBTQ community. I only need to accept myself.
I recently met a non-binary friend who aside from their name and using they/their pronouns was indistinguishable from a cis woman in their gender presentation, so I think being true to yourself is really less about how you perform your gender outwardly, and more to do with embracing something that seems true about yourself.
ReplyWhen I felt more comfortable being called non-binary over a woman
ReplyHonestly, I found out I was non-binary through my interactions with other non-binary people on the Internet. Throughout my life, as an AFAB (assigned female at birth) individual, I thought I could only be a girl because society never stated there were other options. By that point, I knew that trans people existed, and that I didn't identify as a boy. However, I never strongly identified as female either, though I wasn't completely opposed to having a female physique. But I didn't know why until I got older.
Upon having my own social media, I interacted with non-binary Internet peers and realised how they identified resonated with me. Initially, I only wanted to use they/them pronouns and change much about myself physically, until I spoke with somebody who no longer identified as non-binary. Upon our conversations, I realised I dealt with a lot of inner misogyny, and decided to deal with that first prior to settling with a 'fixed' gender. This helped me understand more about myself as a nonbinary individual, but also helped me reconcile with the fact that I am inherently partially feminine. Thus, my pronouns are they/she/he, and I don't mind being referred to with feminine terms either, though I have a preference for neutral ones. I do know that despite me having some feminine characteristics, I do not identify as a woman, and thus I am not a woman.
There is no right or wrong way to be nonbinary. How you feel is completely valid, because your gender is determined by your own experience. You don't have to stick with a label at the moment, but if you want to, don't be worried about picking the 'wrong' one. You can try experimenting with other pronouns like they/them first, and if you want to find a label, you may consider searching online/engaging with nonbinary forums/taking online quizzes to find any labels you may like (such as on Quotev). Finding yourself can be a quick or long process, and thus please feel free to take your time when figuring out your gender. Regardless of how you identify at the end, questioning your gender can help you figure out more about yourself, which is great. Good luck!
ReplyOne term that could maybe fit you is genderflux? I'm genderfluid, but I thought I was genderflux for a while.
Replysorry this is reeeely late but girlflux could also maybe work?
Reply