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Dear S,
I know, you don't think about me anymore and I'm not someone who would cross bridges for. I know I'm not the one you want to have a home with someday, I'm not the one you want to grow old with. I know you had said you couldn't wait till when we finally made it big. It's funny how I was scared then, but it warmed me from inside out when you said those things. You were already my home, you were already my resting place. I wonder how it all changed.
The five years I spent with you have been some of the most amazing years of my life. You found a girl, restless -- and you became her rock, her peace. I loved you with all my heart, even though I couldn't express it through my words. I am afraid of words, I am afraid of love. But I loved you. You were half of me, and I couldn't have imagined a life without you.
But you left. You assured me of your love for all those years, but you left. You left me stranded, with nowhere to go. You turned me out onto the street, you abandoned my heart. The five years didn't seem to matter to you.
I lost my best friend, my soulmate, and the love of my life, all at once. I don't know if I will ever be okay again.
I think about you every day, you pass through my mind almost every passing moment. I wish you knew the tears I've cried for you. Every song I listen to reminds me of us. Little things remind me of us.
We were so strong, and such a pair. I genuinely thought you were the person I was going to marry.
But that's not what hurts most. What hurts most is this constant thought in my head: why wasn't I good enough? Why did you leave me after five years? Why do you treat me like this? Hot and cold. One day you talk to me, and the next you tell me to leave you alone. You want to talk to me, but only superficially. If I ever say anything about how I'm truly feeling, you run.
But whenever you need to talk, I'm always there for you. I've never turned you away. I don't know how long my heart can keep doing this. I don't know why I gave my heart a chance. I'm broken beyond repair, and there's nothing I can do.
You won't ever love me again. I don't know if you truly ever did. But I wish you could see how much you matter to me. I wish you would come back. I wish I was enough again. I miss you, I miss you every single moment. It's been a year since you left, and it still hurts like the first day. I wish you could see how much I love you.
I don't know what to do anymore.
-S
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ReplyListen, someone who gets scared and runs away when you truly show how you feel, is not worth it. I know you probably heard this from so many people but, he is a bad person and truly does not deserve your love. you might think that he is not a bad person, but he is. he hurt you even after the love that you gave him. I will tell you over and over that he is not worth it and does not deserve you and your love but, nothing will change till you get over him. getting over someone is terrible, especially when you had a relationship with them for years. what I suggest now is to think about how much he hurt you, focus on yourself and trust me, time is the best medicine. you might be thinking now that without him your life is nothing and you'll never feel okay again but, as time passes by, you will realize how much he hurt you. I hope you will feel better soon and remember, you deserve better than him<333
ReplyMy friend a quote written would say" Better to have love and lost than to have never loved."
found in these words is wisdom and tears and fears ..Yet life long love seems to turn a look at how lucky we spent days of joys and laughter in love for in that love was who we needed to be- loving that person that made us believe in ourselves - the heart ache is when the love of our life has decided to move on- Its real pain and we try to live a life without the one we loved..See I am old guy at 60 and once long ago I fell deeply in Love with this woman ... that we found one another was a story of loves great adventure but after 20 years.. (long story short ).Love was not enough ..But One grows to live and love again - what guides people is living LIFE ..so not in Love an emotion - that life of loving one takes on all the risk : indeed I love being in love ..but living the life to love is more frosting on the cake...where the sun shines so bright on your heart its the happiness we can enjoy because we are so beautiful and ALIVE ... peace my friend.
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