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So I've been in a relationship for 3 years. We're in LDR and he's the mature kind of person who don't need daily contact, the person who knows to prioritize his responsibilities more (job, family, etc). So he's fine with no contact for a few days. But not me. Communicating with him made my day, his smile brighten my day and his voice wipes my worries away. I don't mind waiting him to finish work and all to spend some time together. 5 minutes is enough. But he usually get home at 7pm, and fell asleep shortly after. I address multiple times how important spending time together is for me, and he understands. He tried to make time for me, but often, he forgets- he has adhd. I tried to understand I really do. But it's getting to the point where I feel unloved. To make it worse? He's an introvert who recharge his energy by being away from people- which is why he almost never contact me first. But he was fine whenever I talk to him. I get angry at him a lot for this. All I want is for some quality time together. To the point he told me that he felt more tired talking to me because everytime we spend time together I would bring this thing up and get angry, and that I somehow did not understand him, and wanted him to change into someone he's not. I know I should be more understanding, but I miss him a lot. I'm practically begging for his attention everyday. My brain understand but my heart feels lonely and unloved.
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I don't think that makes you toxic, needy is more how I would describe it.
It's simple really, you either learn to his way of doing things or don't.
If you're not happy with the relationship stands at the moment, it's your choice to stay or to leave.
He works and is tired, fair enough, is it wrong for you to expect contact at the end of the day? No, should you always be the one who makes contact? Again, no but he has made his stance clear after you have told him on numerous occasions how you feel so it doesn't sound like he is prepared to make any change to the way he does things so as no mention of compromise has been mentioned on his part or yours the only options to you are stay and put up with it or end it.
Replythank you for your thoughts! really appreciate your view on this. There are times where indeed- I felt unhappy in the relationship. But then again I thought, does relationship means all flowery and rainbows? Because in my situation, its not like he did something bad, its just... human nature. But then again, as you said, its up to me to learn his way. I guess I still have a long way to go :/
ReplyI'm in the same situation as you except we're friends. I really don't know what to do.
Reply:( i hope things will get better for you soon!
ReplyRelatable. At least, you understand the problem of an introvert boy.. Most of the girls think that her man is cheating w her, they don't try to get the inner situation of a shy-introvert boy. Take respect.
ReplyI guess introverts are always being misunderstood for their need to be on their own :( but then, I embarrassingly have to admit that it took me quite a while to be able to accept that he take more comfort in being alone rather than with me.
ReplyI hear you.
Your concerns are valid.
Perhaps refreshing eaxh other of your expectations would help. If after this, you are unable make it work... then perhaps it's time for you to move on.
Know your worth. Know and pursue that which will make you happy. You deserve only the best.
I hope this helps.
ReplyYou are right, I really do need to revise my expectations :( I probably watch too much of those romance dramas or romantic moments people share with their partner and was pressuring him with my over the roof expectations. I will try my best to understand him as himself. Thank you for your advice, it definitely helps :)
ReplyPersonally, if he wants to spend time w u, he will. I come home later than 7 but u bet I will make time to call my bf. I was tired from taking care of my father at the hospital for months and those months I still made an effort to call him everyday, everynight. I made sure he feels loved bcs that is my priority. I want to spend time w him bcs I loved him. I'm also an introvert who goes mia from my friends for months bcs I need to recharge but spending time w my bf did not drain me. I just enjoyed it. If a man wants u, he will make sure to not give u a reason to leave.
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