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As the eldest child, I believe I am also responsible for caring for my younger sister. It is only two of us in the family and we have strict but loving parents. My problem is she has a big crush on our neighbor who she just met last week and of course, I allowed and accepted it because it is just a crush but she was lying to me and to our parents the whole time. She may have a long history of romantic relationships which she shares with me to ask my advice and share her feelings and it was not much huge of an issue because I could tell that it is only a small crush, infatuation, and no more than that and plus she's young, she's still 14 so I know that she is still not mature yet to be in a relationship. Yet this time, it is different, entirely different. The guy was clearly a red flag, he has a dirty mind, curses a lot, and obviously immature. I know these things because I saw with my own two eyes that the guy touched her butt when I came home from school. I immediately confronted her because it was only the 5th day of knowing the guy. She lied to me saying it was nothing and he was just a crush. But then when my Father provided new evidence about him holding her hand or her clinging to me and the rumors from the neighborhood she has no easy to escape. Yet she shamelessly lied again. So I did something I know was wrong and read their conversation and that is when I found it, that the guy only wants to want things from my sister, that he only wants physical contact based on his perverted words and my sister naively believes and trusts the stupid guy. When all was finally revealed to my parents because I told them, they were in rage and heartbroken. So we all finally decided to ground my sister and to stop interacting with that jerk. We disconnected all her social media that is connected to that guy. Now, even if she received punishment, I can't still relax because she still tries to get out of the house every chance she got, she still tries to try to talk to the guy secretly and she even gets angry with me because I was acting mean and inconsiderate about her feelings when I am only doing what's best for her. But sometimes I just get really emotional because I had to hide my anger and try to understand her again when it's really hard.
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Let your parents deal with her. What were you like at 14?
ReplyThank you for commenting, I really appreciate it. As for my parents, they were the ones who decided to ground her but I do admit I was being stricter than them because I was the only one who knew about their convo because my sister deleted it before they could find out and unfortunately I am also the only one who knew he touched her butt because I can't afford to tell my parents that. When I was 14, I do admit to having many crushes but I know my boundary because my parents strictly told us not to have boyfriends until we graduate college.
ReplyI also have an older sibling so I KNOW how protective you guys could be. But to try to understand your sister better, I can tell you what she needs from you is not protection. Not only it’s not healthy, it also just makes her distant from you. I suggest you let your parents take control of such things and give her the opportunity to be heard by you, even when you’re a 100% sure she’s making a mistake. At least in this way, she can stay honest with you so that if ever anything happened, she’d have someone to go to in her family.
ReplyThank you for the comment, I do admit that I was being overprotective. I let my parents handle the situation but I was the one who was being more strict and more cautious of her every move. My parents are indeed so kind and caring of her and I know that because she has done many huge mistakes before this one and that one mistake specifically made me reconsider my trust because it was that despicable and bad. I have trusted her wholeheartedly in the past but seeing her break my trust every time, especially for a guy she just met makes me want to protect her more so she could understand that what she is doing is wrong. It's just so aggravating and painful to know that she always causes big problems in the family but my Mom and Dad kept giving her chances and trust her again when I on the other hand have to be responsible, careful and obey the rules.
ReplyI understand you, but at some point she’s gonna be her own person. Experiencing will get her to that point. As stupid as her moves may seem, they are necessary for her growth.
Also at the end of the paragraph you said “I have to be responsible”. Which takes me back to my point, it’s better you give her space to be responsible for herself. Otherwise she’ll never learn how to make wise decisions .
ReplyThank you again, I will try my best to give her the responsibility of choosing her own decisions and be there when she asks or needs me.
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