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I know you won't be able to even read this or know of this letter. But i will be writing this like i'm just conversing with you all over again.
It may sound cringe or rather cheesy. Please bare with me.
I liked you, i didn't want to admit it but i liked you. I think that i may still do. To be honest, when we first met.
I never expected it to drag out this long. I never even expected that i would fall this hard.
I knew that i may like you at some point after, but i was trying to prevent that. I got hurt by so many unrequited love i had in the past.
I didn't want it to repeat. You were a good friend to me. The friend i could rely on and feel comfort by just talking to you. The friend who had the same humor as me, the qualities i wanted of a friend. You all got that checked. At first, you were very flirty. I wasn't prepared. Nor have i ever flirted before. I was a coward when it came to love. I never once confessed to anyone that i liked. I had no courage to. Nor did i want to confess. It was a cowardly behaviour but it worked out through out the years nonetheless. Every crushes i had... there was always a time that those feelings have faded away.
At first, i didn't like it when you were flirting with me. It was too unexpected that i really wasn't prepared. Surprised me by all those cheesy pick up lines. Those funny jokes you talked about. I grew to like it in the end. In the end, i grew to like you. Something i wanted to prevent in the first place. But i couldn't prevent it. Most crushes i had took me years to move on. I just recently moved on from the unrequited love i had on a childhood friend. It took me years to move on. It was a shithole that i kept getting pulled in to.
These are all things i can't say in front of you. These things i can't say at all. I don't know if our friendship had ended. But it seems to be falling apart. None of us are texting for a week now. I don't know what happened. I don't know if it ended or if it's still there.
There's a 50% chance you could be here in this site right now reading this. Knowing you, you might be here right now. If that 50% chance of possibility could at least be true. Though, i am not expecting you to read this letter. It's embarrasing that i wrote some cheesy letter. But still, im hoping for that little chance to happen.
Matthew, i'm sorry. I liked you, but i couldn't say it. You said you liked me back too. I don't know if that's true or you were just playing with me. This sounds cringe as hell right now. Even i'm cringing reading this. But you see i have major trust issues. I might be reading too much into things right now. But if our friendship had truly ended. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry i wasn't able to say all these things before it even ended. I'm sorry that it's too late. I'm sorry.
I want to text you back but i don't know what to say. I don't even know if you'll actually text me back. I don't know.
I had a friend who took a month to text back. I was chill with that. But that was going on for a whole year. They texted back after a 2-4 weeks. Before our friendship finally came to an end. I noticed the last text i sent. I texted her about 'Hey did you hear about this news?' It was a topic both of us were interested in. That text was from April 19. I kept texting her up until May 23. I was hoping to get a reply at least. But no, it ended just like that. It's been 5 months since then. We texted in an app where you cant see the 'seen' bar. But i knew she saw it. I just knew. She changed her ID name and profile picture a lot of times so it would be weird that she went online and didn't see my messages. I just hoped that she would have been clearer that she didn't want to continue the friendship we had anymore so i atleast could have known. A closure was all i needed. But i just knew after she didn't text anything back that it all ended. It was a gut feeling mixed in. Until now, she didn't text back still. But i had trust issues before that incident as well. It may have gone worse after that though.
I might have been saying too much about that texting incident. But Matthew, thank you so much for being my friend. It was one of the best moments of my life. Even words can't express how happy i was meeting you. Good luck to your life. And farewell!
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