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i feel like i'm loosing myself and i cant stop. i am never good enough for myself i have to punish myself for that so i started cutting. well not really bc my mom would find out. so i started scratching, the scrapes go away in a few days a there's no blood. but then i think to myself you'll never be able to cut, you're not strong enough for that. you're so weak.
I also have been super insecure about my body weight so i started to restrict my eating often going a day or so without eating. i did that for a while loosing 10 lbs. in a week and a half. but then i gained a few pounds bc i ate like a normal person i hate myself for it i hate everything about myself and i cant take it.
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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Trust me, I have been there too and I understand.
I know that SH can feel like a good and often the only option at the time, I thought so too. But after a while, when I really thought about I realised that after I did it, nothing had changed. I still felt like shit and hated myself just as much so maybe it wasn't worth all the time and worry from everyone else.
I also understanding struggling with body weight, it's so fucking hard in the world that we live in! I want you to know that you are more than your body and more than your scars. Maybe it's cringey but your body is only a vessel and the important thing is the soul inside. Maybe it's hard to see yourself for who you really are when the media makes superficial things seem important. However, you are here for a reason and you are worthy of everything. You are worthy of a beautiful life. You are worthy of taking up space. You don't need to look a certain way. You are loved and you will still find more people to love and that love you.
I hope that things get better for you because I promise you they can. There is so much more to life than the way you look. With time, self hatred will fade as you find things you are passionate about.
I know you can get through it :) ❤️
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