Crazy Ex-Best Friend

So, I had been best friends with this girl, we'll call her Ruth. Ruth and I have been best friends since we were three years old. Keep in mind we attended the same church, our families are friends, and we have quite a few mutual friends. So, our lives were intertwined in many different ways. Growing up, I noticed that Ruth's parents spoiled her, she got whatever she wanted from other people, and she was never disciplined or told no. But, she wasn't mean spirited so it never really bothered me then.

In middle school, she became obsessed with boys. She put her worth in what others thought of her and whether or not she had a boyfriend. She started developing really nasty habits such as: never apologizing, unable to admit when she's in the wrong, snapping at others, and telling petty lies. Like most middle school girls, once Ruth had gotten a boyfriend, she ditched me and treated me like dirt. Her second relationship was the worst. That lasted until the end of high school. She didn't really treat me with respect unless I was her "yes-man." We both contributed to a relationship where she could do and say whatever she wanted while I just nodded my head in agreement. I was also insecure and even though I was unhappy during parts of the friendship, I didn't say anything and focused on the good parts.

Quick important note! Ruth would snap at immediate family members, friends, and whoever she was dating at the time. However, she always apologized to her then boyfriend because she didn't want them to leave. She had a weird fear and hatred for being single as well as believing single people were beneath her.

In the summer of 2020, we had both just graduated high school. And she snapped at me and my brother at the dinner table in public. Obviously her family didn't say anything, they just ignore her bad habits and move on. It was like I woke up from a dream. I didn't talk to her for two weeks because I needed to evaluate our friendship. She broke up with her second boyfriend and was a wreck. When I was comforting her, she told me that she led on this guys she had a fling with (while she was dating her second boyfriend). Her fling obviously got mad when he realized she was playing with him. When he stuck up for himself, she freaked out because her image at church was in jeopardy. She admitted to me that she lied about him to some mutual friends, claiming he was being creepy and pursued her knowing she had a boyfriend. She also told me that when I get a boyfriend I needed to make sure they were "poor, Mexican, and had low self esteem so they would do whatever you want them to do." I was shocked because I was now out of a stupid haze, wanting to be her friend so bad that I realized... Ruth was a terrible friend who had little consideration for others. I started distancing myself because I only wanted to be associated with her as surface level friends because our families know each other. I figured it wouldn't have been that hard since she never really cared about me unless I validated her. Ruth started dating a someone who we’ll call Grant. Grant is very malleable and fit Ruth’s type; poor, Mexican, and has low self esteem.

I started hanging out more and more with a mutual friend who we’ll call Beatrice. We started getting along really well. Being treated like an actual person and having a healthier friendship with Beatrice gave me more confidence. Sometimes, Ruth, Beatrice, Liane (Beatrice’s sister), and I would all hang out as a group. I realized that Ruth had never really matured past 7th grade. Throughout middle school and high school, Ruth had always implied that she enjoyed being around Liane more than me. That’s why I thought Ruth wouldn’t care if I distanced myself. Ruth obviously DID notice and care because I wasn’t around to validate her.

After a few months with Grant, Ruth married him, made him sign up for the military for free housing and an allowance (she even admitted that to me and Beatrice), and was pregnant. Keep in mind Ruth is now eighteen and I am nineteen. I don’t like to say this because there are many mature eighteen year olds who have raised their kids and have done a great job! Kudos to you! But Ruth still has the maturity of a twelve year old. Obviously, she rushed into settling down and now she has to make all these adult decisions as a child. She began making fun of Beatrice, Liane, her husband, and even her mother! She was angry and insecure because she knows she didn't make the right decisions with her life even though friends and family tried to warn her. I told her that I didn’t like what she was saying about other people and showed her I wouldn’t participate in her shenanigans. Because she said awful things about everyone, I figured she was also saying things about me. I went to Beatrice and told her everything. Beatrice confirmed my suspicions. Ruth was saying awful things about me too. I decided that I would only talk to Ruth in a group setting. Now I admit, it doesn’t matter how scared I was of confrontation or causing a fight, I should have communicated to Ruth about how I felt at that point. Ruth obviously picked up on the fact that I wasn’t talking to her unless we were in a group.

Grant got dishonorably discharged. Ruth and Grant’s already shaky marriage was getting worse. After Ruth had her baby, she and Grant started going to counseling within the church. They eventually moved five to six hours away but would visit every weekend. Ruth would still try to contact me and I would come up with some excuse not to see her. Beatrice would keep me informed on what Ruth would say about me. All of these events took place during the span of two years. I finally decided that this relationship needed to stop and I needed to communicate how I felt no matter how badly she’s treated me.

I told her how I felt and that I didn’t want to be friends since she says mean stuff about me and other people she claims to love. She told me they were all misunderstandings (and I could see how certain things she said were misunderstandings). She seemed a lot more mature since she went through some traumatic events with her husband a few months prior. We agreed to give Ruth some time to gather her thoughts because I had two years to process my feelings whereas Ruth was kept in the dark up until now. Five days later, I receive a text from Ruth saying I alluded to everything. She tried to gaslight me and say it was my fault. She tried to bait me and make me start a fight in via text so she could use ammo against me. She also tried to have the last say and pull a “you can’t fire me I quit” move. I didn’t mind because I got the outcome I wanted, to no longer be friends with Ruth. I replied in the most polite way possible and told her I hope we can be cordial with one another in public since we will run into each other (she and her husband are moving back to my town). She never replied. I took her lack of a response as a “no” to my statement of being cordial.

This transpired in July of 2022. A few days ago, Beatrice informed me that Ruth had told her that when we were younger I sexually assaulted her and tried to get her into a closet to make her do stuff for me. I wasn’t really surprised because when she broke up with all her exes, she said they all tried to do the same thing. She only made those accusations after she broke up with them AND she only made those comments to me because I was her friend at the time.

I haven’t done anything so far because Ruth only told Beatrice and isn’t spreading this rumor around to everyone else we know. From my own observations and from what Beatrice and Liane say, Ruth is going slightly insane because her adult responsibilities are becoming too much for her. I don’t plan on doing or saying anything unless she starts telling more people. Is this the right course of action? I’m not sure what else I can do.