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It’s september 14 and things got worse i don’t know myself. i don’t know if i developed a fear of food but i haven’t been eating well but i need to lose weight everyday it’s harder to wake up i really do want to die but i’m scared of the people i’m going to hurt i scared up their disappointment i also been overthinking a lot i wonder why my brain works like that my friends can not text me for like one day then all of the sudden i start having these thoughts that they don’t want to be friends with me anymore i become dependent on them for my happiness and i hate it i don’t know who i should turn to but i think my life has gotten worse because of myself i stopped caring about my work as much they aren’t d’s and F’s but they aren’t lower my emotions have dulled i every time i step off the bus or wake up i feel a rush of sadness through me i haven’t have privacy for myself for a year now and that’s really taken a toll on me i start to hate things more mostly me i hate me it’s just why do i have to look and act like this i don’t want to be dependent on someone else but i can’t do anything about i don’t know what to do i know that i’ll never off myself but the desire to end all the bad things in my life seem to go down that path and i hate that too. Nothing is going to happen to me i know that for a fact i have my friends
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Although it is important to lose weight in order to stay healthy, eating a balanced meal is also important. It is okay to eat food that you like. Try in small amounts. If you start to not like the food that you've liked before, try something new. The fact that you're already trying your best to lose weight for healthy reasons is already commendable. For that, I truly congratulate you on your journey. However important it is to lose weight, it is also important for you to love what you're doing, that includes still enjoying the food. If you feel guilty to eat your favourite food, try eating in small amounts. As for your friends, it is okay to feel like you need their presence around you. We humans are social animals. We need social interactions to function in the society. However, if you feel like you might be too needy of their presence, you could always try activities that you can do on your own. I recommend going for walks barefooted at a park or in the woods (safely, during the day). If you like listening to music, prepare a playlist of your favourite songs and listen to them while on your walk. Look at the trees, the sky, the roads, the signs, the insects that you see on the leaves and on the ground, the birds perched on the trees, the fish in the pond, the wind brushing your cheeks. Just drink the moment and breathe it in, breathe it out. You might feel awkward doing it at first but trust me, nature heals. It might not erase all of your sadness and worries but it can help to ease your thoughts. Try it.
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