What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
My Unsent Letter (I can not be honest or explained my poison past to Her)
1 year ago · 1 · Confession, +12
452
Even though, it has been years since my heart has been broken, enduring and seeing horrors of war and betrayal of being in a relationship. However, there is one part of my poison relationship that I've never told her or she'll find out the hard way. That is to abandon and never fall in love with both sides of my own ethnicity. Before I became a warrior, and before I graduated high school. I was a person full of heart and doing okay in life. Sure, I did okay with a few heartbreaks and being rejected. That is because they gave a few reasons, and not being mature enough at the time. Either someone told me or did self-improving during my high school years. They told me to finish high school, and either get a job or college. That is what I did. But, there was one person that I made overlooked, scared to ask her out, or just too busy with other things. I met her in the afterschool club. We started as shy people in beginning, but later on, we get know each other as the years go by. We not saying we are close to forming a potential relationship. More like having each other company during high school. When senior year I planned to ask her out before graduation, or what her plans were in the future. Her response was "she was in a relationship and going to university." That hurt me, but at the same time, I was happy for her. After graduation, we said goodbye and when separate ways. Now. This where I change from a good person to a bad person. Before I joined the services, I had few jobs to pay the bills and other essential things. I ask a few women or try to date during the time. But, they treated me so bad, and toxic behavior almost lead me to have self-worth issues. This is where I decided to join the military to self-improve, find a better career and travel around the world. However, I decided to stay within the circle of both sides of my own ethnicity. Because it is language and something in common. But, that all changes when live other states or on base in different countries. At home, most women are single mothers and find a man to marry and divorce to pay for their lavish lifestyle and more mean that women back from my hometown. Then, being abroad is worst while the married or be relationship their spouse or girlfriend cheats on them. While women on base are different but mean they fall into three categories, one is LGBTQ, two finding out being in a relationship and cheating with someone else, or three don't want to be in a relationship due to unforeseen events that are too graphic that I not explain.
If she reading this, this is where I give up and became someone else. The only things that kept them alive were war, war buddies, being the tool of war, and her from another country. Before I met her from another country. I was planning to die with honor during the war. Because I knew women back home will never be appreciated or show true love for me. After hearing stories from the military and even civilian world. Not all women, but most women treated guys like garbage back home. This developed trust issues with women. I don't know if she treats me like crap or plays nice to get something for what I have once I am in a relationship.
When I station in her home country. I suffering from PSTD, not from war. It is from harsh treatment from other women back home. Before accepting the dangerous assignment, I decided to go to a place to release my urges and feel appreciated. Even though, it is her job, her kindness, her physical contract, and seeing my pain. Has to gain her trust with me. She help me to be a better person with close contact and tell me that I am not a bad person and just need to be loved. After a session with her. I never saw her again. Because of her, I decided to look somewhere else and became a changed man. Fast forward to now. I ran into my old high school friend. We got together and played catch-up. But, she asks me out after years of no contact and being a single mother after the break-up with her ex-boyfriend. This is where I made up excuses and try not to hurt her. I am afraid that if tell the truth. That she'll take it the wrong way or show hostility toward me. I am sorry, for years of experiences of being rejected, single mothers looking for men to carry the burdens, being simp, being manipulated, and showing no love from both sides of my own ethnicity. I am taking my chances to hurt and used again.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
My Unsent Letter (Why I be defensive and show no emotions)
Disclaimer: First, I am drunk and feeling open. In order to find my problems and resolve them. Second, the more I am open about my poisoned past, and trauma. T...
-
Either I lost hope or I am so damaged, that I am beyond repaired.
My friends and families try to convince me to go back to "my own kind" (race) for a healthy relationship or start a family. From their own perspective...
good choice. keep finding yourself and want you need.
when you are ready, you will change yourself to love the one that is meant for you. but figure yourself out first.
Reply