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I am aromantic and asexual. This means I personally dont feel any attraction to anyone sexually or romantically, though they are different things and some people feel a little more or only one or another. I also am sex repulsed, and I hats even talking or thinking about it to the point where growing up I treat it like Sherlock Holmes and erase the knowedge of what it actually is. I genuinely know next to nothing about either romance or how babies are made, and I get made fun of sometimes for it. I just knew to avoid that and I knew how I felt even as a little kid, so when no one had the talk with me I just stayed desperately away from that knowedge. Even in college. It feels weird to admit that. This is scary and I want to tell someone, but I am studying to be a theater actress. My school is well known in my area for it, and I haven't gotten a single callback. Maybe it's because I a mixed, but I am starting to think I am not good enough as an actress and as a person sometimes. So many scenes and characters I would love to play just...feel wrong. I know that a lot of people kinda know that somehow. I come off as innocent and niave, but I don't want a relationship or look like a leading lady. Heck, I constantly feel like I'm barely floating in a lifeboat while everyone else does incredible work around me. Women in theater are already mostly love interests or whatever. All the monologues I see and scenes I could play feel awful when I think about how I can't feel those feelings. Yet that is supposed to be the job of an actress, to empathize and portray. I feel like a broken doll or Violet Evergarden, it is so weird. I lie awake thinking about it right now. I want to tell my professor, but I am honestly scared. Of rejection, or not understanding, or that he will just brush it off. Like so many other people. I'm scared I won't be a good enough grind or actress and I come off as unfeeling or something like robot. Only I'm a human with thoughts and feelings and I want to be loved just like anyone else, just not I'm that way.
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Hey so I just learned I'm ace or might be a little while ago. I have been repulsed by touch since I was a little girl. I have always longed for romance though but was disgusted if anyone tried to kiss me or touch me. I am also an actress and I hate the fact that as a female im always cast as the love interest. I do feel romantic feelings so i cant empathize with you there, but I get the sexual aspect. My advice for you is to think about how you love your family or your best friend. Something that isnt romantic but is love. Or think about seeing a newborn child. Use the love you feel there and see how that works. I'm sorry If i'm not much help but that's what I do when i have to do a romantic scene.Or i just opt out of the kissing and say we should hug which still makes me wanna barf.
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