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I have one friend, I do everything I can for her iv given her money, iv cleaned her house, iv cooked her and her family food, iv taken care of her mother when she's been sick, helped prep her older sister's wedding, helped look after her older sister children and the list just goes on, iv never asked for anything of her and the one time I texted her saying I needed her she couldn't be there for me shes putting her other "friends" above, now these friends aren't really her friends they've spoken badly about her never been there for her and got themselves involved with the guy my friend was seeing! maybe I'm just being jealous or whatever but I really and truly have no one else. I live in the same house as my mother I go unnoticed she doesn't talk to me unless she wants something and only ever talks bad about me to people but with my brother shes is always with him always talks to him always tells him how proud she is of him but with me she doesn't even notice If I'm home or not. my dad is not around I have no contact with him as he abused me and when I told my mum he laid his hands on me she told people I was lying about it and that I should just get over it my abusive ex once told me "no wonder your mum and dad left you" and I still think about it now after being split from him for 8 months but it makes sense right? my mum tried to give me up when I was younger but she was forced to keep me and now I'm just one big burden to her and my dad tried to get rid of me by strangling me so tight. I really have no one to talk to about anything not even about the weather and it's killing me slowly the pain in my chest is starting to become unbearable again and I just don't want to to be here I don't think I'll ever be cable of receiving or giving love and all I want is to feel loved all these people keep saying "I'm doing it because i love you" but it dosnt make sense. How does stripping me from my freedom mean you love me (my ex took my freedom away from me) how does shouting at me all the time for the smallest things like accidentally leaving a spoon in the sink mean you love me (that's about my mother) how does telling me my business is going to fail mean you love me (my nana told me that) none of those add up and i just want to give up i don't want to make it to my 20th I'm to scared to do anything to myself but if someone tried to hurt me I don't think id stop it.
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me and my so called friend was supposed to go grab food yesterday I told her I'm going to shower so let me know what time I should set off, she never ended up telling me when to set off instead I saw that her and this girl whos been snakey towards her were together and they went to go grab food but I didn't hear this from my so called best friend I saw this on her new friends snap chhat story.
Replyfuck dude those bastards are the most pathetic to ever exist for having someone like you and failing to cherish you. especially that friend of yours. don't down play your worth because of some blind shit as people. work on yourself...work hard so u can turn your back at this fucked up world anytime without batting a lash. literally you are worth so much more than any of the cheaps in your life. make it to your 20 make it to the top and flip the bird at everyone who's not worth it. let people work hard for having the privilege of having you in their life. you have done more than they deserved for other people. from now on let it all be for you! All the prayers for you. You are not alone. *hugs*
Replyit's really hard coming home knowing that your own mother didn't want you and still doesn't want you around I get like a heavy sinking feeling in my chest.
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