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So I did it, after 21 years I finally did it. I always thought I would wait until marriage but last night turned out differently than what I expected. It was nice, but now it’s the next day and I’m alone in my room rethinking everything that happened. I feel like I’m drowning myself in my own thoughts. Part of me feels like I betrayed myself, that I should’ve waited like I had in mind. But at the moment it just felt so good and the guy I did it with was super caring throughout the whole thing. He made sure I was okay with it all. So if he’s such a nice guy, why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like I’ve been used? We’re just friends, we met back in May so I’ve only known him for a couple of months and I trust him. But my ex who I was with for 4 years, I never let him get this close to my body. Why do I feel like this? I’m trying so hard to see the positive side in this but it’s hard…it’s really hard. I’m scared. I should be enjoying this but instead I’m stressing out because of what other people may say, or what he may think of me now since we did it; are things going to change? And if so how would I handle it? I’m slowly going back into the insecure girl I was before and that scares me, so much.
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Why would anyone else know you've had sex? And even if they did, it's not their business anyway. You're an adult. You can do what you want. You're making problems when there aren't any.
ReplyNo one knows with any certainty what will happen next especially when other people, circumstances, and / or factors are involved. Accepting and even embracing the uncertainty of life will help you cope, learn what you can, and then do helpful things for yourself and others as you proceed.
All thoughts come and go including these that concern you now. Only helpful thoughts deserve your attention and consideration. However, negative unwanted thoughts can't be prevented or pushed away. When they show up, treat them as if they were presented in a language you do not understand. Offer them nothing - no resistance, no opinion, no added dramatic story, no emotional reaction. Eventually they will dissolve and will be replaced with another thought.
If its unwanted, repeat the process of allowing its presence without reacting. When a wanted thought shows up, give it all the energy it deserves.
Do the best you can at all times - better than this is not possible.
ReplyDon't be scared. Sometimes it can be a little bit overwhelming to process the experience that has already occurred. Do not worry too much about what other people might say either. rather than stress yourself thinking about it, here is how you can handle it, a good place to start is acceptance, despite of the different opinions you will get, please be kind to yourself. One untimely decision does not define who you are. You are wonderful just the way you are. You are strong and you will get through this moment. Things might change depending on the circumstances but time will tell but I know you have the courage to carry on
ReplyBeen there. Those are just thoughts, they are not real, you should rethink the facts about the person you did it with because if he gets mad or changes his attitude if you don't let him get intimate with you again, then that's a red flag. If you're anxious, then don't do it. That happens when you do it with someone that is not your spouse, you will enjoy for the mean time but gets anxious after. I never worry about such things when I got married, I enjoy it and I understand why married people are open to talk about it.
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