Closure

I hate you. I hate that my thoughts are always of you and that with every thought comes stabbing, gut wrenching pain that I can’t seem to escape. Since you left I haven’t been able to breathe with this massive weight pressing on my chest. I smile at work. I try so hard to live my life as if you never existed. I’ve met new people. Chatted with them. Shared laughs. Slept with them. But left feeling empty and even guilty because they aren’t you. I hate that you gave up on us. I hate that you couldn’t talk to me and that all of this is so seemingly out of the blue. Or maybe that’s the lie I tell myself. What is so wrong with me that you would abandon every beautiful moment we shared. Every connection we felt. Am I crazy? Am I the only one who felt anything? I hate that I don’t really hate you. I hate me. I hate that I allowed myself to care. To open up and think we could ever work. I hate that I’m not good enough for you. I hate that I tried so hard. I hate that you could move on so easily. That you felt nothing. That you feel nothing. I hope I can forget you. I hope I can survive this.