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"I love you" Is what I want to hear from you, It's what I need to hear from you right now. Knowing you don't love me and haven't for a while makes me feel nauseated, I know I seem to be exaggerating when I say I feel nauseous when I was being lied to for months. You finally told me all about this, how you haven't loved me for months knowing I was deeply in love with you. Knowing the exact words " j'aime tellement nayeli. nayeli m'a tellement manqué. Je suis désolé" meaning "i love nayeli so much. I missed nayeli so much. I am sorry" I sobbed, not sure why I cried so hard, maybe it was because I actually believed you, it was while we were broken up too so i just cried 10x harder than I expected to, I've cried to an 'i love you' before but never one in another language. I didn't expect to cry at all and neither did you when you told me. You were surprised as much as I was, probably more since it was out of nowhere but you said it out of nowhere, the tears just started forming immediately, I had no hesitation on crying. I'm pretty sure I was just in shock but that's what I needed to hear at the moment from you and I got it out of surprise. The way you reacted made me realize you didn't really mean it, you ended up telling me you were just showing me how much better you've been getting with french since we both promised to live in france and learn french in the meantime, we had a future planned out together. I know we're both still young but I meant all of it, I know she meant it too since she had started to stop loving me after december, I've known her for a good 2 years maybe, I was there for her at her lowest and did my best to make her feel okay when she went through that horrible relationship with a guy who didn't deserve her and I wanted to give her the world. I knew trying to fix a girl who was broken would hurt me but I didn't expect her to hurt me like that, I didn't mind getting hurt from time to time on thing she would deal with because I cared for her and loved her so of course it didn't bother me but you lied to me about loving me for months? Why is that okay to you? I mean like it wouldn't hurt to really talk to me about how you felt but you were doing it for months. You told me you didn't know how to tell me, you didn't have the guts to but why should it have to take you months to let me know you don't love me anymore? We haven't been talking at all ever since then, you liked my instagram story when I posted myself it made me happy honestly. You probably already know that though, I know you have no hope or love for me or for us but I can't move on like that, I know it's easy for you since you don't love me but why don't you care? I knew you changed but it's like I didn't know you, I cried over it, it hurts when you acted like it was no big deal when you told me. I pretty much expected you to have some sort of remorse for what you did knowing I love you, but you didn't. I'm proud of you for finally telling me but why did it have to take you that long to tell me you didn't love me anymore. There's no good way of saying it no matter how you put it so why should it have to take you that long? I'm sorry for the whole thing that went on but it really meant nothing, you knew and seen how much I loved you and somehow it got in the way of us completely. A part of me hopes you see this so I could get a text from you and a part of me doesn't for.. obvious reasons. It hurt when you posted that homecoming of your friend asking you to homecoming knowing we had just broken up. I know it sounds weird for the way I put it "why is it a problem for her friend to ask her to homecoming?" It's what the poster said something along the lines of "be my friend-girl to hoco? or girlfriend?" I cried in class when I seen it, we talked about it and she told me it was a joke and how her and her friend aren't actually dating and said "you could text her about it too" It just felt disrespectful the way it was, the way I seen it, I'm sure it would've hurt anybody seeing their ex that they aren't over posting about her the friend you'd hear her talk about from time to time made that poster, they aren't dating by the way. It was just disrespectful to see and she didn't get it at first but she did mid arguing I think. If you do see this, if my sister sends it to you or screenshots these for you to see I wouldn't mind, at all actually. My sister and you were like close and I loved having my now ex girlfriend friends with my little sister, my sister liked her and still does, they have the same interests, it was nice being with a girl that was in contact with one of my family members, she was good to her and she was also good to me, I miss her so dearly. I love you Heidy F, I know you don't feel the same way but I do and it's gonna take me awhile to stop, the history we had together changed me, losing you lost a part of me too, I wanted to make you feel okay in every way you needed it, i still have your little brother added on roblox, your siblings knew me, your sister didn't like me and neither did your parents cause they thought I'd hurt you like he did but I didn't, I know I messed up a few times and made you cry and overthink sometimes but things happen and we always worked it out no matter how long it took, I wanted a good and healthy relationship with you, and from what you showed me over the few years you wanted the same thing too. I wanted to show you what actual love felt like when you were given it to the right way. You deserved it and I still believe you do if its from me or not, you're an awesome girl and I hope you're doing okay. You deserve everything and I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to give that to you. You told me you don't want or see yourself loving me in the future, us in a relationship probably won't happen, It's just crazy to me how that happens after what we helped each other through you know? I planned a future with you and I was happy with you. I hope we do come in contact again one day, I hope it's soon but who knows, I wanna text you for your birthday and try to send you something, maybe something that involves spiderman and twilight since you love the both of those. I still wanna make you happy even if it's not from being in a relationship, I'd like to make and see you smile from afar even if it hurts, seeing you happy would make me the happiest, I do hope in another lifetime we met and ended up together and happy but who knows, I could wish on anything to happen but would it really happen? That'll be it for a while, just needed to let some things out to clear out some thought, make room for future ones or something, it's nice to let things go. I wanna start over with myself an focus on myself for me but a part of me wants you to see how much I've changed and notice it, notice me and recognize I'm a better person. Okay! bye Heidy I love you !!
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