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Like the sun
1 year ago · 5 · Explicit
142
I recently called my mom because she never calls me, unless shit hits the fan…then she calls me. Anyway, I call my mom and it’s going well until it isn’t. She starts saying the same shit she always says about wanting to disappear and never come back. But the newest thing she told me during this phone call was “I prefer my children be like the sun, the further away from me the better”. Couldn’t help but laugh. And I thought she couldn’t be a bigger bitch to me than she already is. I don’t know why I try? Maybe because I secretly wish one day she’ll wake up and be a kind, caring, loving, nurturing mom. But she’s not, I don’t think she’ll ever be. I have done well for myself. I’m in my late 20’s with a degree and an education that has given me a great life. No one would ever guess I have a low life father and a toxic mother who hates being a mother. She will continue to live in a run down apartment, miserable everyday, wishing she’d disappear. And I’ll continue to be like the sun…
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I think your mom's probably upset about something.
ReplyWe can’t pick our family, right?
I’m glad you are doing great for yourself. You deserve kindness, love, care and to be nurtured. I hope you provide these things for yourself, we tend to forget to do so. Words hurt, it’s crappy she said that. It hurts more when you hold onto the hurt. Sometimes it’s better to step away from the people that cause pain to help heal ourselves. Maybe after, when time is right, if you want, create a relationship with her that’s on your terms.
ReplyThank you,
So very true. I am trying to find healthy ways to let go of the hurt… I spend time with friends, travel when I can and have now found this anonymous online writing.
Replyi think your mom had a traumatizing child hood that she brought it towards her children and trust me my mother has done the same thing towards me and i kept telling myself the moment i turn 18 is the day i am leaving my toxic household and never look back. calling my mom she just seemed like she hated me and that hurt me so much that i couldnt talk to anyone about it i kept it bottled up which wasnt a good thing but i learned from it. my dad was worried about me leaving at 18 because of her and he saw it coming he didnt blame me though. you should just go and visit her and tell her your feelings about how you feel about her hating you. let that shit out. if she doesnt hear you out i dont know then there is no point in talking to her anymore.
ReplyI'm trying so hard to become a Sun for my own family. It's the only way I can finally live.
I find absurd now, the fact I've been in the same town for years. I don't want this anymore. I want a place where I can call my home, build up my space without bothering about fights over money,all the time talking about the past (when my father cheated on her and physical abuse etc).
-Coccoon.
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