See you later?

My life is a mess and I don't know what to do to fix it.

I've been trying to fix a failing business for way too long and just got into such a mess financially.

I don't know what to do now to solve it all.

I'll need some ridiculously high paying job to support my family and solve this which isn't happening either.

My parents don't have an income or enough savings either so rely on me to help generate income.

We don't have the fancy trappings of life.

We live a pretty frugal existence.

I'm a nice guy.

We are still partly paying a past employee of many years since COVID lock down because we can't just ditch someone after all that time (nearly retiring). It's not a huge amount.

I'm very involved in my community and often help people out with issues around here.

I care for the planet.

I do as much as I can for the environment.and animals.

I even used to be involved as a lay minister as church for many years.

I've given so much of myself not expecting in return for any of that.

What I don't understand is that nothing seems to be working out for me and for us.

It's like I have a curse.

Where I've tried it's failed yet other competitors in our industry seem to be fine.

I no longer believe in Christianity but I do still believe in a God, except praying for help has been fruitless so far no matter which beliefs I have.

Right now the only solution I can see here is to end it all and hope for forgiveness for murder in the next life. I'm that desperate I'm considering murdering my family and pets and ending my life.

Or trade my soul with the devil so that everyone else here can be OK.