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I don't wanna reveal too much but we basically just had a small argument and then it just kept getting worse and worse until the topic suicide came up. I couldn't take all the yelling and shit talking she was doing so I accidentally told her that I've attempted suicide multiple times because of her and I still feel like killing myself until now (Definitely a mistake on my part since I let my feelings out to the one person I know that will never understand how I feel. Was caught up with my emotions during the argument). Her response just made me want to die more. She told me to just "Go ahead and kill yourself and bring shame to the family since everyone will judge you for being selfish and committing suicide. That is a huge sin to the Lord!". At this point, I just wanna die without anyone knowing. I am so tired of everything and it's just becoming too much to bear. I've stopped cutting years ago and now with my mom telling me to kill myself, I am having thoughts of hurting myself again. You know, I don't have anything against people who are very religious, I am not one of those people but I let people believe whatever they want to believe. But my mother (I dont even wanna call her my mother at this point) telling me that it's selfish to kill yourself because it's a sin to God makes me wanna puke. She is more concerned on how the people around us will react to me killing myself than the fact itself that i will kill myself. It just bothers me and I just don't have any motivation to live anymore.
I don't think I can last any longer in this world. Thank you for reading.
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People say the wrong things all the time, especially during an argument. I'm sorry it was your mom who said the wrong thing.
As a mom myself, if you had said this to me during an argument, I would have questioned whether or not you were using this threat as a manipulation tactic to get what you wanted. I may be wrong, but the question would be there just the same.
Ask her to help you when you are not angry with each other. If you do not get the right response, ask someone else. Keep asking until someone hears you.
And just in case no one hears or takes you seriously about this, I will.
You have a purpose in life. Everyone does. You may never know what your purpose is, but you have one just the same. Don't cheat the world from who you are. Don't cheat yourself from finding out either. The possibilities in life are endless, so stick around and see what happens next. You might get a nice surprise.
<3
ReplyAre you still in university or in school? If yes, try to graduate as soon as possible. Avoid failing in class because that will prevent you from graduating on time. If you graduate, get a good job and get the fuck out of that house. Cut your connection with your mother if you have to. Our moms suck and they should have never been a mother in the first place. They don't deserve us. All they did was make our life a living hell. Fuck them.
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