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Hello, I am just a lost person who just wanted to let it out and doesn't have anyone to share I guess you'll be my friend for this one. I think this one will be a big summary of my life so grab your popcorn.
Let me start from the very beginning I am an Indian who is 21 and I have vitiligo I live in a very conservative family where girls can't even go with friends for 2 hours straight.
I have good parents who support me and protect me and on the other hand, I have my family a drum full of toxicity. Where my grandfather is head and we live with 4-5 generations (ik huge one) who doesn't love me or like me ofc why would he as I am the first girl who studied in a co-ed school and I am not married till now, the girl who wishes to do a job or earn money before getting married, a girl who wishes to study, a girl who stands up for herself while her parents supporting her.
Well, he doesn't support my father as I am the only child in an easy way I can say I don't have a brother (ya a family who think only men can earn and men have all the rights). He takes it out on me every time he finds a way recently he called me and my mother "a thief" indirectly, he said I will be "raped" and then my parents will cry also indirectly, he thinks I am better off "as dead" because I sleep a lot, he thinks I should be married as to let my sister in law be happy (as he can give me grand son as for now).
I hope now you'll understand what kind of conservative family I'm talking about, ik I have a full package.
When there was 3rd wave of corona many people died all over the world, in my house my bog mom (my father's sister-in-law) died. we only get to know that she has it 16 hours before her passing no hospital was ready to admit her and while coming back home she passed away in the car, after 15 days we got to know that my mother is also positive for corona, till then I have collected enough information and with the help of my friends and god I called the hospital type team at home and we saved her (can't thank god enough), while that time only my big father (my father's big brother) said to me that you could have saved big mom also you are the reason she is dead. Ik he said this in grief but here I am still remembering and sharing this with you guys after 1.5 years.
My life has been full of taunts, comparison, and loneliness it's getting hard to live where every fight in the house or every single thing in the house is blamed on you.
where every day I try to be positive and here I am crying over fights every day. I was tired to have it all inside so I am writing just to let it out. It's just getting difficult every day.
Here's to my sister-in-law, the evilest person ik my brother has been married to her for the past 9 years and it's been 9 years since we have our alone time or talked our hearts out with each other or wander in the car with each other. I felt so lonely and I always wanted a dog my father and brother surprised me with one 3 years back I still remember I cried for a straight 1 hour while playing with him I was soooo sooooo happyyyyyy, but my sister-in-law said she was scared and didn't come on this floor for a whole day ik she wants to fight and that what happened the very next day everyone fought for 3 hours straight her parents were called all over for a dog and in just 20 hours he was gone I cried myself to sleep. she slapped me while my mother was recovering from covid I didn't tell anyone. she fought and I have to look to my mother's food as I didn't trust her because she was allowed to eat specific food with specific instruction, she gave the whole household food on my shoulder ( I have a family of 9 people) and at the same time, I have to bring the oxy. the cylinder at home and medicines while other members were in line for refilling the oxygen. It was one of my darkest times. I was only 20.
Sometimes I wish I was the one dead and my brother should be alive more than half of my problems would be resolved then and there only.
Well I have good things in my but limited ik there must be some mistakes or mine also but the question that comes to my mind after every fight and everything is that
DO I REALLY DESERVE ALL THIS?
I'm sorry if you got bored. just wanted to let it out and if you reached here thank you for being here for me.
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