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I recently posted a writing called "Sex dresses in black". If you haven't read it, I would go read that first to better understand this. To sum that up, sex just wasn't the same as it was in the beginning of our relationship. A few days after I posted that writing we had probably the most incredible, passionate and just all in all wild sex. Out of nowhere he told me to go put on lingerie along with a few other things he wanted me to do. He then came into the room and started kissing me. All I could think was wow he hasn't kissed me like this in forever, not even when we were having sex would he kiss me like this. The sex that came after was orgasmic. We were both being pleased, both finished, and he even held me after we were done. I thought to myself after that this was it, things were going to be different. That it was going to be like the beginning with all that love and passion. It wasn't...the next day things were back to how they were. He would want head and so I would try to kiss him before to you know get things started and he would just say no and put a blanket over his face. So, I just shrugged it off...again, and give him head. He would touch me like well you know, while I was giving him head. So, after a while maybe 15 minutes I would go to get on top so kiss him and have sex. He would pull away from a kiss and say "no get off" then tell me to continue giving him head. He would want head until 1 he finished or 2 until he was just about to finish then he would have sex. Touching me not allowing me to finish or having a clitoral orgasm to then having sex not allowing me to finish or have a g-spot orgasm can be very annoying when it's happening EVERYTIME we have sex. A day or 2 after that happened, he did the same thing asked for head, didn't let me kiss him and put a blanket over his head. Again, I shrugged it off and gave him head for about 20 minutes. I stopped to grab some water and went to kiss him; he said no. This time he got up to have sex and as soon as I was about to finish, he pulled out and wanted head. Which went on until he finished. After he just got up, got on his video games with friends and that was it. I don't know what to do. I love him a lot and don't want to lose him, so I do what pleases him. He knows I want him to give me head and that I enjoy it, but I will never ask for it because he says he doesn't like it. I've come to just shutting up about sex in general because anytime I bring it up, he just gets upset. I just don't understand and have so many questions. Does he not like having sex with me? Why won't he kiss me? Why does he put a blanket over his face, does he not find me attractive anymore? Just so many damn questions that I'm scared to ask. I just want fiery, passionate, risky, intense sex with love. Instead, my sex life is dying. I feel like my role is to please him and that's all.
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Hello - I actually read, and responded, to your first post recently. I remember that one well and wondering if you have worked to have a "meeting" with him to have a discussion about all of this?
My recommendation is that you schedule a time when neither of you will be busy. Make sure to turn off electronics during this time so no one will be distracted. It will be important for him to understand the seriousness of the situation.
Once you have his attention, explain what you've been going through and how it makes you feel. Give him time, then, to respond and tell him that you really need to understand why he's pulling away from you, sexually, while also demanding (essentially) that you perform for him.
As I probably said before, this could be a situation where he's not aware he's upsetting you and, if he cares, he'll work to change his ways and make sure you are satisfied sexually as well. I said that before but, from this newer message you've posted, I'm guessing this will not be the case. I don't think he's accidentally doing this and I don't think he's not aware of how it's making you feel.
You have to understand, as well, that this isn't a situation you're just going to "learn to live with". It's not going to get better without a serious discussion.
In the talk, hopefully he will agree to change his ways and then, more importantly, actually follow up on his obligations to you or you'll learn why he's been this way with you. It could also be that he reveals a truth that hurts you, emotionally. Either way, it could be that the relationship will come to an end as you can't continue dealing with this frustration.
My wife and I are swingers and have sex with others often. One of the things we like about it is that, after we've slept with someone else, we get more amped up for a few days. We have great sex with one another but, after either or both of us has slept with someone else, our sex is wild a crazier for a few days after. Hopefully this isn't what you've recently experienced in that he may have had sex with someone behind your back and then, soon after, been amped up and had wild sex with you while thinking of that time with the other person.
So much can come from this and most of the outcomes aren't good but there is still a chance that this is all a misunderstanding and that he can fix this and do his part for you.
If you do have a conversation with him, I'd be curious to know how it all goes but you're under no obligation to respond here.
Either way - I'm still wishing you the best and sorry to hear you're still having issues in that area.
Good Luck!
ReplyWeve talked about it a little, but it always ends up being an argument. I asked why he does those things and if there is something I'm doing wrong. There's never a straight answer and a lot of hesitation. I also mentioned that when Hes in the mood I do what I can to please him because he's my partner and I want him to feel good. To that he responded "You have the freedom to not do it, I don't make you. I'm not going to go out of my way to please you if I don't feel like it, so it's your fault you feel this way" It's just kind of hard to hear since you would think in that aspect both partners would want to please each other and make them feel good.
ReplyI'm glad to hear you two have had a talk but sorry to hear that the conversation didn't go the way you had hoped.
Unfortunately, then, I don't think you can expect this behavior to change from him. Should that be the case, you'll have to decide just how important this part of the relationship is to you. Can you carry on, possibly forever, knowing that he'll always seem put off by your advances? Considering you're upset enough about it already to be posting about it here, I can only imagine the answer is "no". In time, this will not get easier for you. This, what your dealing with, this thing that's driving you a little more mad each day, it's only going to get worse.
So many other aspects of the relationship may be great but if this is one you can't live without (which is understandable I might add), you may want to start thinking about moving away from this relationship.
Yes, it will hurt at first and could hurt for some time but you will eventually get over it. That's a window of temporary sadness as compared to a lifetime of confusion (why doesn't he want me any more - I'm I not doing a good job, is he no longer attracted to me, is there another woman, etc.) and frustration (I'm giving into his needs and wants but he never returns the favor).
If you're currently living together, this could take some planning should you decide to take this route but. And if it comes to that, I hope you'll have the opportunity to explain that you tried talking about this and that he's just not willing to have a serious discussion about it all, he's not understanding how much this means to you, and he's not doing his part to contribute to the relationship in this way. If you are having to move out of a combined space, do whatever is necessary to keep yourself safe above all else.
Later, you'll meet another and things may pan out. If not, you'll have another opportunity again down the road.
This current relationship could still pan out but, considering you've tried talking to him and you're not getting the responses/actions you're looking for, I'd say this is unlikely. It seems strange, I know, to pull the plug on a seemingly good relationship because there's this "one issue". Typically, we pick our battles but this one is very recursive for you and enough to drive you mad crazy.
No matter what happens, we're wishing you the very best!
Good Luck!
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