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I am writing this to ask for advice. I am 30years old woman. I am dating someone who I been friends with for 10years before mutually we develop feelings for one another. For 3 years we dated secretly and we are in LDR ... we are suppose to see each other for the first time this month after 3 years... but my parents dont like him coz his black and still in college while im asian, already well established and has my own bussiness. My delima is...my father tells me to tell the mam i am dating to not come here...even my mother support this coz they are worried that there future ...grandchildren will be bullied coz there father is a black american... here in the philippines black skin is consired poor or ugly . They want to avoid that situation so i told my bf i am breaking up with him . So my parents will be happy. I had stop communicating to him but my dad keep asking if im talking to him even when i. Not... he do not like the guy im dating coz he was looking at my window ease dropping amd saw me and my bf had intimate moments that is consinted by two adults he tells me... now my bf will think im less of a woman coz im easy ... so what ever my dad say he says his always rigth i know he loves me wants what is best for me so i broke up with my bf... my dad prefer i has short hair so i cut my long hair to make him happy and i pretend i am happy too.. he feels bad when i tell the hair stylish i want my hair short coz thats what dad likes and feels horrible after i follow what he tells me and tells me i should not blame him for my decisions.. coz if i dont follow what he wants he distant himself and make me feel i did something wrong.. i need advice what is a third persons view on my situation and how to handle this properly i want my parents to b3 happy....even if im not aslong as there happy im ok with that.. and maybe when im super old maybe i can love that man again.. he been so kind and understaning .. he still wanna see me coz i feel the same
Its just i dont know how to handle the situation propery to make everyone happy...
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Hi!
I'm gonna be a bit cruel here, but not as much as you are to yourself. Your personal life is controlled by your parents completely, and mostly by your father (my guess is that your mother can't say much due to your father's authority). Your hair, your bfs, whatever else.You have to sit them down and let them know that you are a responsible adult now. Not their little daughter anymore. You have your own dreams and ambitions for your life, whether they like it or not. Your parents need to see what makes YOU happy. Not them. My suggestion is to get control of your life, get back with your bf because you love and care for each other. You need to show your parents that is YOUR LIFE. They have to respect your decisions. Good and bad. They have to support you. Your father has to understand that times change. People change. And let's just say it gets to the part where he doesn't want to talk you to anymore, just a thought. He WILL regret it. Your mother too. They're gonna find out eventually how stupid it is to disown your kid just because they want a specific image of you. Or that you are in love with a person from another country or black, or white. Gay, straight. Fat or thin. Whatever. Family IS family whether it's parents, friends, cousins. They should support eachother, all public issues aside. You want to keep them happy. But are you happy? Set your foot down and say "No". Do what you think is best for you. And above all, you need to love yourself more. Respect yourself because you earned it. Because you're worth it.
ReplyIf the situation is complicated, continuing will make it more complicated. You're 30, and i think marriage is in your mind already. Find someone that is kind hearted and someone that will respect you. Love him and choose to love him everyday.
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