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Mom´s tantrums again
1 year ago · · abuse, · Explicit
I need to talk with someone. My mom has tantrums - now was about a week without them and now a few minutes ago she attacked me when I was in the kitchen. It was sudden I did not expect it - she was ok and a few seconds later...**boom**
She again attacked me that I should not "fuck her up" and lie to her that I am working on my article. I AM FUCKING WORKING ON THAT FUCKING ARTICLE. It is a scientific article so it is not only about writing but it is about research + it must have value otherwise it will be rejected. I hate it to be honest. I have no passion for this anymore. I was forced to interrupt my Ph.D. so she is mad about it because I spent there last 5 years of my life.
I feel like I lost my youth years and I do not want to do it anymore. And she is mad because I want to throw away everything I worked on. She is forcing me to write a book, but I do not want to. She is also abusive, she used to hit me (my back or butt - she stopped now but I see she is about to do it again + she talks about "what she would do to me if I do not finish the article")
Any idea? I know I should be away from home but it is difficult, bc I spent so many years on my Ph.D. I did not have space to move away. I am searching for a job but it is hard, I will need to move away from home if I want to do what I want.