What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I just searched the meaning of "SLUMP"...because I know I am currently in one.
So...What is a mental slump? According to Google,Mental slumps are a period of time when one may feel unmotivated, depressed, unproductive and easily irritable. It is just the perfect definition. But I don't agree with its causes because it says stress due to work overload and/or assignments piling up. May be for me, i have a different cause.
To get my point, let me tell you dear reader that I am no longer a student nor yet employed. I just finished taking the bar this November. I was a full time student for eight continuous years...yes, I counted my college years slash pre-law years. I did not pursue a career after graduating college, instead went directly for law school. And here I am, I survived the four years of law school. I did break down a few times during law school but something made me kept going which is studying. Now, I am nothing. I mean I am just waiting for the results and I hope and pray to pass the bar. The waiting is just killing me. I never knew I'd breakdown like this or lets say in a long slump.
Honestly, I thought I'd enjoy my time doing nothing. But No. I thought I'd enjoy having time for my hobbies but no. It's as if I am just waking up with no purpose at all. Sometimes, I overslept because at night I cannot sleep right away. I have to tire my eyes out and make my head ache so I can just sleep.
I tried prepping my stuffs for knitting but I cannot just start. I'd always end up wasting my time on my phone, playing useless games or just watching music videos.
In the afternoon, the only thing that keeps me out of the house is for me to walk the dogs. Maybe they felt my emotions or may be not. SOmetimes, I dont want to interact with people. Right now, I also get angry or irritated so fast for simple things.
I know its bad, i know. I needed more time to myself. Its needed now more than ever. If only I can get out of these feelings all bottled up. During the bar, I was about to cry but stopped myself, instead, it turned into me being aloof with others. Now, it's happening all over again.
It's worsen because I am at home, I cannot just be myself where my family can see me being vulnerable. I cannot just show these since I know they are the ones having a more harder time than me who just laze around. As much as i wanted to help, I cannot get myself employed yet.
Uncertainty at its finest. Getting nothing done.
I planned on self-studying but I-it just doesn't seem right. I want to reach out to my close friends but they all seem busy. That's why I also try to disappear in social media. It's toxic for me.
Really, I am in a slump.
fck it.
I just want to throw things, to shout, to cry..............................................................................
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Relationship Advice Please
my boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 months and he has been really happy with me. he spent most of his time with me, comforted me when i was sad, bought me...
-
random hurtfulness
As someone who has had previous suicide attempts, I know for certain that my next will be my last. I'm unsure of the when but I'm pretty sure in the how. Of cou...
Waiting can be terrible. I have thought I was about to go insane when waiting for a boyfriend to come around, or even for a phone call. One time I was waiting for something or other and I felt like my brain was splitting in two. Another time a friend was coming to my house and when he didn't turn up I felt like I had some sort of paralyses. I can understand you not being able to concentrate for long when doing something because you want the result so that the waiting will stop. I hope you find out very soon.
Reply