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I don’t know why my friend would ever assume he meant nothing to me when every time he’s pushed me away (which he did the entire time I knew him, showing me I was the bottom person always, always. he would stop talking to me midtalking for anyone else like I was merely a curtain he looks at when he’s sitting there super bored and not any other time). When he didn’t talk with me for more than a few days I would lie on my bed sad not able to do anything and cry most times. In the end, I could see he had ‘closed me off’ by not even being interested enough to join conversations with myself and my daughter when we were together, acting annoyed like he couldn’t wait to leave. He also threw me out so fast after sex with him I eventually didn’t even feel hurt by this and decided he is just a cold callous person who wanted to make sure I meant zero to him. I told my friend outright when I fell in love with him, to which he responded by of course throwing me out. I still love him, but all I feel now is hurt when I think of him and it hurts so much I am crying even now typing this. I’ve always been kind, loving, completely open, affectionate as much I think he’d even let me and he really only showed me love the first couple times I knew him, if you could call it that because he flirted with and picked up new girlfriends right in front of me hurting my feelings from the very beginning. If he is hurt for venting with words on websites designed to get all my frustrations and secrets out, after he specifically dogged me, which he did the entire time, I don’t know what to say, this is not real life where I’ve done nothing but cherish him (Instill do), 75% of what you read is not even true there, it’s a bunch of drama people manipulating others to get what they want and only sometimes what appears a genuine frustration or pain someone is feeling. I’ve never been angry to my friend, have never pushed him away or said anything to him about his shit treatment and coldness to me. I am sorry for any hurt he feels from my words written in pain and frustration. He has never been with me, he’s dogged me, even showing everyone my naked body so I even now still have to sit through degenerate people making fun of me, talking about how I’M a horrible person gaslighting me, writing down anything considered negative over and over everywhere and ganging up on me bullying me out of chat rooms and internet sites. I’ve never once been the cause of anyone dogging on my friend since I’ve always said nice things about him, even after people eventually started seeing how horrible he was to me and asked me what do I see in him. He however, loves to gaslight and make sure people are rude and mean to me. I don’t know why he feels I’ve ever and even now don’t feel like he’s special to me, he’s mostly all I think about. Only recently I have finally had a freeing feeling from being entrapped by being in this cacoon in which I am loving on someone who might as well be slinging dog shit on me for the way he treats me. I had been able to start taking care of myself and what I need to, but surely getting these emotions and frustrations out now again will cause me to lie in bed crying again unable to do anything because I miss him and still yet he only wants to push me away. I don’t know why he ever spoke to me in the first place, except to hurt my feelings by showing me his real self a couple times (if that even was his real self), and moving about like a withheld robot anytime after that. I’m so, so hurt.
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Write a list of all of his bad points including the way he treats you and every time you think you miss him read this list to remind yourself of how bad he really is.
ReplyThank you. I will definitely do this, even just to keep myself occupied. Thank you so much for your help.
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