What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Lately I feel inadequate. I can't drive a car (well can, but no license). I've never had a job (only community service). My parents are paying for my apartment. They pay for my groceries. They will probably pay for my car, when I get one.
I am in university, but too scared to do extra curriculars, or make friends, find internships, even talk to professors and classmates. The only thing that is going okay is classes, and honestly I feel like they are all I can handle at this point. I take my breaks off and lounge around like an incel. I barely have time or energy to indulge in my hobbies at the end of the day. I haven't done the things I love consistently in years. And honestly, I am so tired.
My parents say that it's all fine because I am working hard in university, but honestly I feel so discouraged and tired. I have no support system at school, and honestly don't even want to try to make one. Friends have always let me down in the past and people at uni are fucking jerks. I am so fucking homesick all the time. But then I get home and I just feel like it's too much energy to interact with anyone.
I don't think I picked the wrong major, but also feel like I don't relate to any of the people in my classes. I wish my classes were more focused on my major. Despite being one of the best schools for this, I still feels like they are not teaching the most relavent things. My professors constantly remind us that internships and experience is necessary for our field. But I don't want to have to leave my family and travel out if state to do so. I probably can't get a job anyway until I have a method of transportation, which would only be a car give my location.
Overall, I feel like I am going nowhere in life. I am failing. And I hate watching all my classmates and peers doing so much better than I am at juggling it all. I just feel worthless.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
I want more than this
I'm very ambitious and I crave challenges. I'm 15 and in highschool so I take the hardest (they're not really that hard) or most advanced classes I can. I've be...
-
im just tired
there is so much to do and little time to do it. i took too much time now and now its been 3 months since my last day off. its my fault. i did this to myself. i...
Everything you say points to depression so please go to a doctor as soon as possible. Best wishes.
ReplyIf you want the way you feel to change then you have to change something. Change something small. Make a friend, join a club, talk to a professor etc.
ReplyOh, you sound a bit like me a couple of years ago, when I was studying away from home, and having to spend the Pandemic in a really beige, uncomfortable student house that was too small for the three people living in it, and just steadily losing all sense of joy, and feeling really insecure about not thriving in the environment I had worked hard to get into, and worrying that everyone else (my classmates and peers) would think I was some kind of jerk for not being able to suck it up and complete all my assignments and keep my houseplants watered. I stopped playing music... My darling, it totally sucked.
It was a relief to be able to leave that place. I had been so depressed. It took me a full 6 months of rest and recuperation, plus a lot of self-help and a handful of therapy sessions, to regain my sense of identity, rebuild my self-confidence and deal with the shame of having failed. I couldn't stand to engage with anything to do with the thing I had been studying, even though it had been my favourite hobby before. I deliberately stepped away from it for a while, and just focused on day-to-day stuff and made time for relaxation and fun. It took me another 6 months after that to finally land a job in the field I had studied, and now I absolutely love it again.
I was able to fall back on my memory of how good I felt doing my chosen field as a hobby, and the kudos and recognition I had received for it, in order to steer myself out of the lowest ebb and recognise how badly something had to be off for me to be so miserable and seriously thinking of giving it up for good. Coming out of that 2 year study programme was like leaving prison and having to re-learn how to be a fully integrated member of society.
I think it's frankly bizarre that we expect people to go into these completely artificial environments where they live and work wih total strangers, and obsessively focus on one narrow subject with a level of intensity that is not replicated anywhere else in life, with the added pressure of being assessed and graded, and we expect them to excel. What human thrives in this environment? I don't know them.
The metaphor I use to make sense of this experience is being like a plant that is in a pot with the wrong compost mix. I don't thrive under university conditions, but in the wild, I flourish. Maybe you're the same?
At your stage in life, it's OK to not have a job, car, or appartment. Have you noticed how crazy expensive those things have become since 2008?? People used to be able to get all of those things on a basic salary, and now you're lucky if you can afford one. You're not broken - the economy is.
Your parents sound very supportive, and you should allow them to help you - don't feel ashamed to rely on them while you're navigating this challenging time. Nobody expects you to do it all on your own all at once.
In terms of gaining some independence, it's clear that not having a driver's license is keeping a lot of possibilities closed to you. So how about making that a goal? You've already done the hardest part, because you've already learned how to drive, so what would it take for you to book a test and get that certificate? I think having a small, achievable project to work towards could be really helpful in building you back up a bit, and would have the real, tangible benefit of getting you mobile.
I know it can be really hard to muster energy when you're depressed and burnt out, but you're already expending so much energy on hating everything around you - maybe driving would be a welcome distraction to take you out of your own brain for while?
The social issues you describe are what make me the most concerned for your wellbeing - humans need connection, but we can't relate well to other people when we're struggling to relate well to ourselves. Inadequacy is a story we tell to ourselves about how others perceive us. It builds an invisible wall between us and everyone else. I've really struggled with this, and to some extent, I still struggle with the mantra, "I meet nobody but myself". People reflect back to us the vibes we put out. Try smiling warmly at someone - they instinctively smile back. When we are negative and pessimistic towards ourselves, it affects the quality of our interactions with others. You fear talking to professors, so you don't dispel that fear by breaking the ice with them. You expect friends to let you down, so you won't venture to make any new ones. You've already dismissed your coursemates as 'jerks', so you're not looking for any level on which they might be kind of OK.
It's true that not everyone finds their people in whatever random environment they happen to be in, but I really think you need to be kinder to yourself, and expect kindness from others. Humans are generally a lot better than we often think, when given the chance.
If kindness to yourself takes the form of needing to take a year out and figure out a different route towards the places you want to go with your career, (like getting your driver's license and building up other valuable skills) then that's OK too.
I wound up getting physically and mentally ill before I realised that sometimes it's ok to quit something if it's just not the right thing for you to be doing at this particular time.
I wish you a steady recovery, and a much brighter future, but I promise you'll come out of this awful time in your life with some hard-won experience and insight. All power to you, fellow traveller.
ReplyThank you so much for this. ❤
Reply