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Just to get you in the picture: I’m 19 never had a relationship because I’m extremely insecure, I’ve always been. My bets friend whom I had a crush on told me he likes me and I rejected him. It was really awkward but we’re still talking like before. The problem is I think I have more than a crush on him. I always get compliments and people asking me out but I have never ever seen myself as pretty.
I’m scared of losing him. He’s the only person I trust, more than my family (since I don’t have very good relationship with them). When I imagine him finding out I’m ugly without make up, and under the oversize clothes is flat chested no ass stick, with curved back (really bad scoliosis) I can only think about him disliking me. He works out is muscular and handsome. I have nothing to offer him expect my chronic depression and list of my insecurities. Haha I really want to tell him I didn’t mean to reject him that I’m just scared but it’s really hard to explain to someone who never been through depression or had so much insecurities.
What I’m really scared of is that he’ll find a girlfriend and I’ll be alone. I’m scared that even if we got together he’d found someone prettier and leave me. My anxiety is at it’s max fr.
Any tips on how to like myself more? Should I tell him I want a relationship? Idk.. thank you for reading
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tell him how you feel. and you are beautiful/handsome. one tip is just dont think or care about what others think of you. people are cruel and harsh. they will do anything to make you feel bad but you have to ignore them and not believe them. youll be okay love. im sending all my love and support. im here if you want to talk
ReplyYou are a whole person on your own. You do not need anyone to complete you. However, you do need to learn to love yourself (just the way you are, insecurities and imperfections and all) before you can truly love and be there for someone else. This is a life lesson that many people, including myself, learn the hard way through life struggles. Just wanted to pass along. I wish you the best on your journey.
ReplyFamily members, friends, neighbors, and teachers began labeling us starting at an early age. This continues to this day and along the way we accept and adopt some of these descriptions – I am pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, clumsy, athletic, smart, stupid, rude, sensitive, perceptive, naive, sad, serious, cautious, reckless, emotional, anxious, insecure, etc... We began seeing ourselves as this defined limited character (a separate self) and our thoughts and behaviors are consistent with this idea. Our ‘separate self’ character feels incomplete and IMPERFECT and wants to get what is missing while getting rid of problem areas.
When the unwanted happens to us, when the preferred does not, and every time our effort to fix ourselves fail, we suffer. It comes in the form of agitation, irritation, boredom, disappointment, regret, jealousy, anxiety, depression, fear, loneliness, anger, grief, pain, or some other unwelcomed feeling or sensation.
Each of us are self-aware to an extent but when this knowledge is not clear, our true nature is hidden. A close look reveals that the most common element found in every one of my experiences is my presence – ‘I am there’. When I am sad, I am present there. When I am happy, I am present there. When I am scared, I am present there. When I am in love, I am present there. When I am angry, I am present there. When I am feeling anxious and inadequate, I am present there. The truth is that I AM the always present AWARENESS that has no shape, size, age, race, gender, weaknesses, needs, or demands. As undefinable unlimited AWARENESS, I can’t be harmed and, therefore, resist nothing.
The dance of creation is all of GOD’s creatures just experiencing each other and surrounding things. Animals do what they must and then enjoy their down time moments or just sleep. After handling our obligations, instead of enjoying ourselves, we usually try to make our current situation different / better than it is. We attempt to acquire and secure preferred objects, circumstances, wealth, activities, and / or relationships expecting them to deliver lasting peace, love, and happiness. Any satisfaction that results from these efforts is only temporary. I finally realize that these coveted feelings are not earned, produced, provided, achieved, or possessed. Peace, love, and happiness have always been and will always be our essential nature. They shine through my being and energize my actions now that I see clearly.
Life will deliver to you that which you think about most. If you want things to improve, it has to start with your mental narrative. If you are ready, I can say more.
ReplyFirstly, just like you don't share all of yourself with him, consider that he doesn't share all of himself with you so don't presume he wouldn't understand having an insecurity or feeling depressed. You are not the only one and what you feel is very normal. ❤️ If you hide things about you from him, then ofcourse it feeds your anxiety. Best thing you can do is share something real and see if he runs. You can't stop ppl from leaving you. If they're going to leave they'll do it now or later. Think about it. You could start dating and he finds out things that he doesn't like about you and he leaves. You could not start dating and he'll find someone else he has a stronger connection with and become more distant. Best you can do is rip that bandaid off and talk to him, you'll feel so much better. Just write it to him if you're more comfortable with that. Work on being more confident and thinking about the things that you love/like about yourself.
ReplyUmm, he likes you. The person with scoliosis, and depression, and low self esteem - he likes you including all of those things. Because he's your best friend and he's known you a long time, he values you for who you truly are.
You're the one who thinks you're ugly without make-up. You're the one who thinks your body is the wrong shape. You're the one who is rejecting yourself. He just really likes you.
People don't fall in love with Pretty. They fall in love with the person with whom they have a genuine connection - they fall in love with the best friends that they trust more than anyone else.
Trust each other in this, too. That you could try being more than friends.
It's not easy to build up self-esteem when you're so used to telling yourself a cruel story about how you're ugly and worthless. But is is just a story - a boring, made-up story that doesn't even have any good characters in it. Write a better one. It takes time and effort and practice to stop yourself from believing in that story, and repeating it over and over to yourself. It's a bad habit that is difficult to break.
There is no reason to place so much emphasis on appearance or disability. Those things are not reflective of your value as a person. Reject the idea that you are Less Than and embrace simply being as you are.
Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.
If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.
If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.
Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.
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