Who am I

The title says it all. Who am I? How do I know I am being authentic and showing up if I don't know the difference between who I really am and who I pretent to be.

I'm not a grouch, although that is something I like to pretent I am.

What is authentically expressing my sence of humour, what is putting on a mask to please and be accepted by people.

What are my values? I know I don't live them, but I do have them.

I value family, although I can't express love.

I am emotional and sentimental, although I am careless and pretend I don't care.

Is marriage and commitment a value? I know I haven't always lived that. Is it just rejection sensitivity, the sence of abandonment I get at the idea of losing someone I love, or is it a value.

There are other values I cant' express. There is something about beign able to repair, to make or reuse, not to waste. Not self sufficient, but not to be disposable. It also comes down to wanting to understand, to concer and defeat the problem that I can repair.

I am so fragmented I don't know what I want, often I want contrary things.