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I’m in my first year of college and I have literally never felt more isolated,depressed, and frustrated in my life. I have one friend on campus and we do some stuff together but not a lot, plus they’re thinking of switching schools next year. So then I will be completely alone. Along with this my dad died of what is assumed to be a heart attack and I’ve been left with a feeling of guilt because I was the only one home and unknowingly heard his last moments because me and my parents bathroom share a wall. I thought he was looking for something and I had my stupid ear buds in so I couldn’t hear clearly. Having to call my sister and tell her that my dad past away is something I don’t wish I my worst enemy along with having to see your family cry over the sight of someone they loved so dearly. I don’t think I’m ever gonna recover from that.
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ReplyHi. I'm so sorry for your loss of your dad and for the guilt and regret that the situation of his passing has left you with. I want to tell you that I think I understand some of what you feel.
My younger brother passed suddenly. My parents found him. I can't write more about as my brain tries not to complete the picture (if that even makes sense). While I was not there because we hadn't spoken in over a year. What you feel, i call complicated grief. It's where you've got guilt and other feelings meshed together with your loss. It often makes me want to stop my brain from thinking because my mind just goes to horrible places.
Its been 7 years for me and I can tell you that it gets easier and you will heal. ❤️ Will you ever be the same person? Well I'm not but that's ok as i feel I've grown from it in a way and my values and personal guiding principles have been further shaped from my pain and loss.
It's not your fault but me telling you that won't change how you feel.
I would advise you that you can't do it alone. You need therapy and time, few around you will understand the way you feel, not even your family because their grief is different. Though you may not know exactly what theirs is either.
There's a whole college of students out there. You need to get uncomfortable and get out there. Join something that will help you meet new ppl, volunteer etc, just do something different and see who you meet. Don't be scared of that because you've got a strength within you. ❤️
Replyit'll get better someday. it's a long life and opportunities are vast. stay strong :)
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