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So…my problem is that I fundamentally don’t care. Obvs I care at least a little bit About the fact that I don’t care, because otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this, but.
I have no goals, long or short term. Nothing motivates me, I don’t like or want stuff/experiences, there’s nothing to base any kind of ‘drive’ on.
I get this intense apathy a lot more often than not, and usually it’s not a problem…but unfortunately my brain’s started to link it with old depressive thoughts - ‘I don’t care about that application, I don’t want the job, I won’t need it if I’m not around next year’.
Part of it is true - I absolutely do not want to do any of the jobs I’ve applied for, but people need money to live so. Yeah. And there’s nothing that I Do want to do, so there’s not really a way out of that. Hobbies haven’t been interesting for a long time, and I know that there’s stuff I’m good at but it makes no difference whether I do it or not. There’s nothing.
I can’t afford to do a lot of the stuff that’s recommended for apathy, like change of scenery or going out - I can’t afford to drive anywhere if I’m not paid for it, and there’s no public transport here. When I did arrange something, I didn’t care enough to go on the actual day. There’s no benefit to me so I don’t know if that’s exactly selfishness, but I don’t feel any kind of social pressure or obligation - whoever gets inconvenienced will get over it, they probably had a better time without me anyway.
Has anyone experienced this and found a way to jolt themself out of apathy? Nothing that involves close friends/family or speaking to a therapist please, that’s not an option for me. I can look into therapy techniques, but literally cannot make myself be honest with therapists/visit face to face (because either I care too much or not enough)
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This might be your brain telling you that you need to rest for a while.
ReplyWatch Freedom In Thought’s channel on YouTube for philosophy videos, whatever tickles your fancy. Read philosophy books. Personally Ego is the Enemy and The Courage to be Disliked helped me but idk your issues. Exercise intensely. Sleep at 10 and wake up at 6 for a full 8 hours and a nice time frame to be awake in. Waking up really late sets your day up for failure, in my experience.
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