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This is going to be a bit long,but if you stick to the end and help me understand what's going on with me. It would just mean a lot to me.
So last year I met this girl online through a game. On communicating I came to know that she resides in a neighbouring city and was barely an hour away from my place. We used to game and talk endlessly. Although she wasn't absolutely my type and neither did I ever wanted to date her, something just kept clicking in. I remember she did help me during my papers but was very narcissistic in nature as she would always put herself first and claim that she was just doing the right thing when it was actually fucking me up.
We fought more than actual couples do,and that to on silly topics which never made sense. She has a degree in communications so she knew exactly what to say and when to say. And I suffer from mild Asperger's Syndrome so it was difficult for me to understand stuffs and respond correctly. I also decided to get out of this thing which was just draining me mentally, so I went straightforward and said let's not be friends anymore as we have very different views on how the world acts,to which she threw a tantrum on me how she has been left by people multiple times and how I'm doing the same thing. She called me various stuffs like double faced, liar, someone who loves to quarrel, and a person who makes others feel bad about stuffs. I never did that, I can say that I am being completely honest about it, I had no intentions of being a bad person to her.
After almost 6 months of these tantrums, she stopped texting regularly. Now I was in a circle of why isn't she talking to me,to which she replied I want some space from everyone (not only you) as I'm going through something I don't want to share. It's been almost 6 months like that. She has moved to a different country and now anything related to her just pisses me off. Her stories, her name, the songs she suggested to me, almost everything. But whenever she texts ( like once in a month) it feels like we are still friends and I haven't lost her completely.
I want to get rid of this mixed emotions, but I can't do it until I understand what's up with me.
If you made it this far.PLESSE HELP, I HAVE ALREADY ATTEMPTED SUICIDE ONCE AND I SEE MYSELF GOING DOWN THE SAME LANE AGAIN. I NEED SOMEBODY TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS THING. PLEASE HELP!!
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tbh ive been thru that too. the mixed emotions are normal in these situations, but it maybe better to just move on completely. toxic is toxic and it wont change. sorry if this isnt the advice you wanted, ik trying my best from my pov.
ReplyI appreciate you reading the whole thing,and I know you're giving your best from your pov and that means a lot. I understand that she is somewhat toxic but it just feels unachievable to move on completely.
ReplyYou have unresolved anger with her which you are unknowingly hanging onto. Ask yourself if having anything further to do with her is worth going suicidal again.
ReplyI do understand I have an unresolved anger and being in any type of presence/contact/relation with her is just gonna fuck my mind up. But I remember at some point of time when things were good I promised I would not leave her side even if it means going against everything. I really do not wanna break that stuff. Moreover it's just not about the promise,it feels weird to loose a friend I guess. I know you must be thinking I'm a disturbed person with some serious mental issues. But yeah thanks for hearing me out. Means a lot to me. Much love❣️
Replywhat do you expect? if someone deliberately chooses to end a friendship (or whatever it was), that person can’t expect to ever get something smooth and easy from that person down the line. you got their defenses up and caused a strife between the two of you. and now, you act surprised? and things are not so simple as, ‘oh someone caused me to be suicidal, therefor I should always avoid them’. how do you know they were supposed to be this to you since you spoiled anything good in the first place by ending things causing bad feelings from the get go. stop blaming people, and if you want to work things out with them do it. if you don’t want to then don’t. it’s very simple.
ReplyWell I think there's some misunderstanding or maybe not... I'll clear it out anyway. Things weren't good from the very first which is why I tried to end the friendship in the first place. I never wanted to continue this from the very first. You might say that I just said it feels weird to loose a good friend. That is what I am saying I don't even understand if she is a good friend or she is just pretending to be. Because there are like tons of stuffs which are negative for me, and I've been vocal about it but it never stopped. And the thing about being suicidal, well I was that even before I knew her. So yeah that's that! And you said things about ending stuffs. Well I would be glad if stuffs ended,but it didn't now I feel I'm stuck!
ReplyAlso do you reckon that I should kill myself ?
Replyno, you shouldn't
ReplyI'm sorry but that's person feels like toxic hey u don't end ur life for her u don't deserve that for being nice to person you will truly find someone u really love until try to take ur mind off her she doesn't care enough about u so can't go through all this because of her try connecting to God seek help from God he'll surely guide you to the right path start to pray more often that will definitely take ur mind of her parents look for the right God
ReplyI think closure is all u need just tell her everything that u feel about the while thing but first get things in ur head clear Ed about what u really want then talk to her tell her how u feel and If she cares about u then she'll definitely understand u and will speak to u but if she just ignores u then feel her u ll find someone one day or another just have faith
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