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Noone can't hurt me anymore. None of you. No mom, you can't! I've emotionally disowned you. I don't feel anything for you anymore. I feel nothing. No love, no hatred, no pity - I feel nothing. You're not relevant enough to MAKE me feel anything. You're a covert narcissist, a cold-blooded, stone-hearted woman. I didn't ask you to be born? Why did you bring me here and inflict harm on me? Why? No, you never disciplined me. You destroyed my sense of self or to be precise, you never let it develop in the first place. I hated myself. I felt like I am the mistake. And here I am, struggling not to appease people. Why did you do this to me? It's because of you that I tried to self-harm. It's because of you that I tried to end my life. Because I was a defenseless child, you conditioned my mind to feel this way. It was your voice reverberating in my brain constantly name-calling and callling me worthless. It's because of you that I was trying to self-medicate and gained weight. It's because of you that I was dissociating - daydreaming all day and trying to escape reality. And one day, your facade of being a 'doting mother' fell crumbling down. And it shattered into a million pieces. Pieces that the greatest adhesive can't put together. You're done. I don't feel anything for you, neither hate, I feel nothing.
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My dad is the same way. Put me through so much i struggle to know what I feel for him anymore. Many times I've been numb. Use your mom as an example of who not to be to others and your future kids if you have any. I don't have the answers as to why a parent would cause someone to become so callous. You're not worthless. You're a beautiful humanbeing. Stay strong.
ReplyThanks for this beautiful comment. Wish you all the happiness in the world <3
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