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have you heard of the halo effect? no well lemme tell you what it is. the halo effect is the perceived notion that everyone around you sees your halo. youre good. youre perfect, not a flaw in sight. but im screaming out. im not a perfect angel with a halo. cant you see me? can you see the real me? can you see that my halo is not on my head and that it is not a halo at all. the halo you see, that you think is the real me is a noose that is tied around my neck choking me. its choking me as im debating if i am a real person. a good person. we're not all good people right? does that even exist. im selfish, i make mistakes, im not perfect, why can't everyone see that. i know that not everyone sees my flaws but i see them in the raw. i cant stop my overthinking. is this about me. did you mean this about me. is this good. is this bad. why cant i stop overthinking. brain just stop. stop wanting to be good. stop wanting to be perfect. stop wanting the crushing weight of expectation. if i just stop what wou-
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Nobody is perfect but some people are aware of their flaws enough to keep improving. That's you. I think it puts you ahead of most people (who think they're perfect or good enough to stop trying). So in a sense I think your praise is well deserved. Maybe you can use it to motivate yourself?
I'm sorta in your situation so I know how it feels. My sister is the rebellious kid so I'm supposed to be the good one. People heap praise & compliments on me but I was never good, I just seem that way compared to my sister. It sucks like you said, it leads to self hate. But lately I'm trying to take a different attitude, like maybe I can grow into being the person they think I am. idk but at least that's a more positive way of looking at this. I hope you can figure out something that works for you.
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