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I once lost my Eden, now I break my ribs apart just to protect someone's. This is cowardice, fear, in disguise as a virtue. I lost my sense of acting out proper justice, I can barely define justice, and that made me a pathological crippled being possessed and blinded by this attachment to the beauty of mercy. I need to grow up. I can't be like this forever. I noticed I might just have seen my limit, it gets physical and no longer emotional. I could end up hanging from the ceiling, and I don't want that. I don't want to die yet. I have things to do. I'm a split self on a mission to define myself, I'm hurt, I'm afraid, I lost a lot of things and keep getting my fragmented self killed. I'm separated from myself, I can no longer understand what constitutes me. Betrayal, malevolence, manipulation, deceit, I was punished for acting out the sin I thought was a virtue. I need to harden things up or I'll break and end up losing more things. Focus. Focus.
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