To the One I Let Go

I will never tell you how much I loved you. Or how much I still love you. Every single day I question whether or not I ruined it for us. I shouldn’t have rushed it. I should’ve been patient. You had my entire heart in your hands, and I am still not ready to accept that you did not love me back, I was too blind to see that. I will never know how you truly feel about me. I know I could message you tomorrow, asking to talk, and you would still welcome me with open arms. As a friend? As something more? I will never know. I go to the same places we went to, and still a year later, memories of you linger. Sometimes I hope that I see you again.

I go to bed every night crying and thinking of you, and I wake up checking my phone for a text from you. But who am I fooling…I am the one who ended things because I did not want to wait for you to be ready. But maybe I deserve more than that, maybe I made the right choice…maybe I deserve someone who is sure about me, someone who won’t let me slip away. The grief I had from losing whatever relationship we had was at times almost unbearable. There were and are so many accomplishments, heartaches, and milestones I wish I could share with you. I know you would be proud of me.

You still hold a grip on me like no other had before, and like no one has since. You will always have my soul, and I still love you more than I can describe. X