Darkness taking over the light

Through a life of abandonment no parents movedo away from family only to land myself in a decent job but no one ever to go home to the thought of love has always been my hope. To recently meet someone who I thought was that saviour turned out to be a socipath and hurt me and blame me for my hurt about the past then leave me. Ptsd has taken over my mind and soul, everyday I still work to go back to nothing just thoughts of self hate, loathing. Am looking for the awaking sign, can't find it. Am slipping more and more 30 years of bad luck. My values and morals have always been to be compassionate but life has shown me different. Which road do I go down now? Each day is a mental torture