Is this wrong?

I realise now there are two types of love.

One is calm, feels right and is just right in good for me. I do love him. I feel like I can genuinely have a great happy life with him, his going to be an amazing father and, tha fact is.. we are engaged! And I’m so happy about it!

But sometimes… more times than I hope for, I think of the other love.

This love is passionate, mad and honesty toxic. It’s been 7 years since it’s over and I haven’t seen him ever since. We talked maybe 2 times since then and every time it feels uncomfortably unfinished.

I’m aware that this kind of love won’t make me happy but it would make me feel alive. I miss that.

I also know toxicity feels like that.

Why can’t I just live happily with the right kind of love without thinking of something that would never work?

What can I do about this? I feel I’m being unfaithful to my fiancé in my mind and I feel like I’ll never get over it.