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You can't stop time, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you cry or panic about it. It keeps passing by, we'll never have enough of it, and I don't think I ever realized how true that is until recently. You can't even go back, I've tried and tried and mourned the childhood i cant remember, I can't tell if nostalgia is the enemy or time itself, you cant wait to grow up one day, but one day you pass the age younger you wished they were and by then you wish to go back, No one seems to love their days to the fullest, and yet no one around me seems to have an issue with time, but every night this past week it's all I can think about, and the inevitable end when my time is up, but even after that time will still pass. I just won't be around anymore to comprehend it, though I don't think im doing that now. Everyday I write im not sure if this is more about time or death and life after death, or the lack thereof, but either way time is a common variable. Every year you pass the day you'll die in the future, and you'll never know when, just the fact it'll happen sometime, sooner or later, and even after death time continues. Even after the human race is long gone, time continues, forever, and that's not really a concept the human mind is meant to try and understand. Sometimes I wish I was a less complicated animal, not like a fly or insect that lives for a few days just to reproduce, but like a cat, their lives are still much shorter than mine and I'll most likely outlive them nine times yet they don't have a concept of being afraid of it constantly, or the pain that comes with the human experience. I almost wish that when I die, I'll wake up as a cat, who was napping under the warm sun seeping through the window. I'd like to blame a lot of things on time, but time isn't really at fault is it, all time does is continue to move forward no matter what. At the age of 18 I've realized the reality of this fact, as I write this I'm going through the stages of grief for my own life and eventual death, and everyone I know. I spend my days currently in the bargaining stage, trying my best to stop time or at least grasp the moments I have, figuring out how I can live life to the fullest, even the less exciting moments. As I try to stop time, I get pulled out of it when I realize I'm losing more time. Time keeps moving. Seconds. Minutes. How much time have I lost in my own head? Not just trying to stop time but day dreaming about anything but reality itself. As much as I want to say reality is cruel and I hate the human experience, I can't, because I'm finding a lot of beauty in it as well, especially in the darker emotions people tend to ignore or rather not dwell on. The world is a beautiful place, just maybe not the things we've done to it. When I think about how the world is beautiful, and how unique the human experience is, I find myself more upset with society. Everyone is working and working just to survive, worried about money, waste of time. Humans aren't meant to work in my opinion, we're supposed to be out there, exploring the world and taking in every moment the earth gives us. Born from dust only to return to dust after all, yet everyone wastes their time, maybe that's why I struggle to keep a job, not just the fact it's miserable in itself but because im too aware of my own existence, I'm too aware of time. Time isn't the enemy, my inability to live in the moment and not take each second for granted is. I can't help it though, I wish I could go back, to two years ago, back to my childhood, a childhood I don't remember, yet all I have are my feelings of nostalgia and sense of a seemly happier time even if I know that wasn't true. It feels like the first 18 years of my life weren't real, like it's all a distant memory. Eventually this moment right now will feel the same way I suppose, due to time and probably my own truama. Yet to me in this moment it feels different, I wish for my childhood back, let me do it again one more time so I can really cherish it this time, remember each moment. I can't. Even if I could, no one is there anymore. It wouldn't be the same because I couldn't do it for the first time over again. I wish I could remember. I don't feel like I was ever that little girl I see in pictures, I barely remember her, her school or her classmates or how she spent her free time. I vaguely share these memories, I just don't feel connection with them. But I know where I went to school, I know it must have been real. I miss it. I'm still trying to get over it and figure it out, I am scared of my own existence. My aunt says the first 18 years 'don't count' but to me they do, mostly because I can never get those back, I have aged, the time is gone. Everything is different now. I can't even go back to a few seconds or minutes ago when I was writing three paragraphs earlier. Time is continuing, the time it takes to read this and the time it takes to write this out. I'm afraid. I'm not sure if I mentioned this already, but they say that before you're born is the same as after death, but does before life count as death too? What if I just forgot my past life? Or I didn't have a conscience as stardust. I suppose I'm not afraid of my body dying as much as I am my awareness, but at the same time I believe I'm new to this world in a way. If you believe in reincarnation, I believe this is my first life, maybe second, and I've met a few people that, to me, definitely have lived a few lives before this one. It also makes me think, the world is billions of years old, and the universe even older, what were we then? For me even just imagining this earth with dinosaurs on it is hard, so thinking about the universe itself and time and how things were before all life is truly crazy. I know we're tiny specs in the vast size of the universe but I can't help but feel like it's on purpose, maybe that's just the human mind having to feel like there is a purpose. To make the inevitable seem less scary. I can see both sides, I'm just not sure which one I'm on, because either one makes sense to me, and it's just amazing how over time these creatures have existed, and went extinct then suddenly we're here. We created these symbols as communication and we're arguably a more intelligent complex animal. It bothers me that I'll die before all my questions of the universe will be answered, perhaps I'll get them when I do die. I'm not quite sure if my issue is time keeps on moving, or the overall human experience I'm guessing they go hand in hand though, I know there's plenty of other people going through exactly what I am right now in this moment, but it seems no one wants to talk about it and actually discuss it and try to live life as full as they can. I'll admit even for me it's hard to keep talking about it without panic. When I ask people about death, and time concept of time, if they're afraid, the answer is usually no because they can't control it. So why bother dwelling on it? I understand their answer I really do, but that's the exact reason I have to dwell on it. I have to constantly remind myself every second of my life counts, cause forever can be 75 years or just 3 for some of us, I don't know when im going to die, and I don't know if I get a second chance. I can't ever get back the time already lost, and that bothers me the most, I can't ever go back no matter how hard I try, I can never experience anything for the first time over again, I know this is just a repeat of the beginning but im still so afraid. I think I solved the crisis by lying to myself, telling myself I simply cannot die, and I haven't panicked again about it since. The human experience is beautiful, even the bad parts, but most of my complaints are things I also cannot control, we are fed poison, kept stupid, and hysteria controls us where I live, but that has nothing to do with time.
All we are given from the moment we are born, is time, a limited amount of time, from the second we are born to the second we take our last breath. We should live our lives to the fullest of our ability, I am trying to learn to do that now, with whatever time I have left, I am still young but every second time is more limited. We have plenty of time until we have none, we have no time until all that is left is time. I'm just trying to figure out how to spend mine. I don't wish to spend anymore time wishing I could go back, or wishing I could get time back, how many more December's will I get? How many more birthdays? Halloween? Thanksgiving? Every year you pass the day of your death, I wonder when mine will be, it could be today, or today 60 years from now. I won't even know the day when the time comes anyway, just a number on my grave.
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Time does NOT exist. We reverse engineered it based on earth's rotation on its axis combined with earth's revolution around the sun. Outside of earth, a second, an hour and 1 year mean nothing.
In theory, if we lived on Neptune we would only be 1 year old in the "time" equal to 164 years on earth.
What we have is a life cycle, and at any point in "time" your life cycle can end for any number of random reasons.
Life is an adventure, most of us would be lucky to find a passion in life. The "time" we have in our life cycle is a gift, God's grace.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
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