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She told me if anything happens she knows I’ll knock his ass out. Put his ass in check. I felt shocked l, I’m almost thirty I feel like I’m too old for that to still have to be necessary. He used to get all strung out and try to fight me everyday, I was not ok in the head so I’d fight him. She said it because he’s on the hard drugs again. She said, “ when it comes down to it, it’s like he’s not your brother when he gets out of control”. I feel like all the progress I’ve made, would be for nothing if I had to go toe to toe with someone that had no control. It’s not fair, like hey, hold onto all that pain so you can protect everyone that enables his behavior. I want to be able to live peacefully. Live my own life without that type of fight or flight shit, dog eat dog, only one can survive. It’s not fair, thankfully you’re fucked up in the head so you can save us. If I’m not there what happens?
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