My Timed Entry

So, I happened to stumble upon this website randomly. Here I am sitting and wasting time. It's like I want to be productive but I can't, I don't really know what to do. I'm 29 and I feel like I'm wasting my years.... I don't really know what my purpose is in life. I have these random outbursts of motivation and then it goes.

I've been with this guy for two and a half years now but all we seem to do is argue. Families have met. Promises have been made. Yet I feel triggered by the way he behaves sometimes, his family and the broken promises. We live far away from each other too, long distance does not help...

I feel like I can't trust him anymore or tell him my deep, dark secrets because he'll use them against me at a later time. I feel like I can't even talk to him about anything or have a deep heart to heart with him. He keeps conversations surface level and only opens up when he's going through something family related. The toxicity of his family puts me on edge. If you know your family are toxic, why keep running back to them? If you know someone, family or not has put you through hell, why keep contact with them? And if you know family members have tried ruining things between us, or made horrible comments, why not keep your distance or protect me?

................