I just use writing (songs poem etc) to cope

One of those nights when too much gets in my head so, I wrote to get it out:

Think I was 17 the first time I had a thought like wanting to die

I’m 29 and every night that thought it still enters my mind

I don’t know why. I don’t know why.

But I’ve learned to fight and push it aside and most of the time it just whispers goodnight

But there are days and there is pain that sometimes makes it harder to stay

I was 18 the first time the shotgun steel pressed on my mind

I’m 29 and every night I leave it by my bed

I don’t know why. I don’t know why.

I have a good life, I’m getting a wife

I can’t complain, so why do I feel this way?

I had my dreams I set out to see, I mostly succeed, so why do I feel this way?

We all make mistakes there’s things that can still change so why do I feel this way?

I know I have someone above just waiting for me to look up so why do I feel this way?

I was 21 the second time the shotgun pressed against my mind

I’m 29 and every night… why do I feel this way?

But I’m trying To love me so I can love freely so I can trust wholly and I can be happy

I mostly succeed, but still can’t sleep.

I was 23 I wrote a letter, thought a pen could say it better

I’m 29 and here I am writing tonight. I swear I’m going to try. Even though, I don’t know why.