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Trans/Genderqueer advice from anyone at all, regardless of what you support
1 year ago · 4 · transgender, +6
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I'm looking for advice from anyone at all, regardless of what you support. I'm 21 and have been fighting gender dysphoria for almost the entirety of my life. I'm in constant mental pain over the distress of feeling wildly uncomfortable in my body. My quality of life is heavily impacted by this. I started therapy recently because I don't know where to go from here, but I know I don't want to continue living like this. I have a transgender friend who was posting hate comments he received online for his lifestyle and recent top surgery. They say the kinds of things you would expect. Well, if they think they know better, then fine, I'm asking, tell me what I should do. At this point in time I have taken no steps to transition medically or socially. I feel that the most impactful thing I could do for myself is top surgery, because that's my biggest discomfort. It's such a complicated choice to make. Binding and taping doesn't serve the effect I'd like it to. I'm only able to see my therapist every second or third week or so, and therapy is a slow process. What else can I do? I'm looking for constructive advice. I'm a real person who is struggling.
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I didn’t see in your post where you mentioned that you were going to therapy. That is the first thing I’d do. I would go to therapy and take care of the depression before doing anything drastically. It won’t be an instant result and it may be years to take care of the depression. Once that is fully understood then I would do surgery. Yes, it may be gender dysphoria that is making you depressed but it is better to be safe than sorry. Once you have a comprehensive understanding of that the. Think about surgery. Surgery is a major thing. A simple surgery may end up killing you. It happens all of the time.
Replyyou're not alone in this <3 sending lots of love
Replyi think you should try transitioning socially. i dont know the exact steps for that tho cuz i feel like it's a very person to person, situational thing but yeah. just think how would you feel more comfortable and like yourself in social situations? some other advice: finding lgbtq support groups near you or online. for me personally changing the way i dressed helped a lot. find clothes that feel comfortable on you, maybe make your chest less visible. haircuts. also watching videos on youtube can give you guidance, seeing what other trans people have done. im not sure what other advice to give. im also in a similar situation. sending love <3
ReplyFirst thing I want to do it say that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. Gender dysphoria is real and it sucks. I am a 45 year old trans woman that didn't come out until I was 40. So I feel for you and your fight against gender dysphoria.
Going to therapy is a big step and I am very proud of you for already starting that. To be honest that is always my first suggestion. I wish I had started going to therapy a very long time ago. It wasn't until I started therapy and really took it seriously that I was able to figure out myself and what I was struggling with.
The next thing that I would suggest is to find a group of people that support you if you don't already have one. And I am hoping that you already have one. This can be friends, family, coworkers, or really anyone who you know or can get support from. This is important because like your friend showed you, there are a lot of people out there that don't understand and can be horrible, horrible people. Having a safe group to support you is a huge thing that will definitely help.
The next thing is unfortunately not as simple and the first two things, everyone's path is going to be different. This is not a bad thing but it does make it difficult sometimes because there is no absolute universal way of moving forward on your path. Your path is going to be unique. This is because you are unique. No other person is going to have the same set of particular details that you do that make you who you are. But there are going to be people who are similar and their path will give you insight into your own. I cannot tell you if surgery is right for you. I myself have not had any. I have been on HRT for almost four years. And for me that has made a massive improvement in my life. I will probably have bottom surgery eventually but that is something that I think for me will be something that I want and need. Learning about who you are and being comfortable with yourself and who you are is important. Changes to the outside can help with this. But it is important to work on the internal part even before the external part begins to change. It will help you in ways that are so profound. And it will make any amount of exterior change that much better. And it will help you develop an understanding of what you are going to need to live your best life. It will help you understand what medical interventions you will need, what therapy, and ultimately what life you want and need. And that is a huge thing.
Now the hard thing to tell you, gender dysphoria very rarely goes completely away. I socially transitioned long before my HRT made any significant changes to my body. And I still work at the same job that I had before I came out. I am very thankful that everyone I work with have been supportive and uplifting. I am lucky to have an environment that I feel safe to work in. My family loves and supports me. Often time I feel like they understand me better than I understand myself. Which is a wonderful thing. I have good days almost every day. Days where I feel good in my skin. Days where I feel good being me without any masks or walls between myself and the rest of the world. But unfortunately I also have days where I don't feel that way. Where dysphoria kicks me in the heart and I just want to crumple. And that is why I said that therapy, a supporting group of people, and working on the internal part is so important. It makes it easier to get up and get out of that funk. It makes those days less frequent. It makes those times last significantly less time. It makes it hurt less.
I am sorry that I have rambled on as long as I have. I hope you are doing well. And that therapy is going well for you. And that you are struggling less. You are not alone. You are a remarkable, unique, strong, and resilient person. And no one can take that away from you.
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