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I've sabotaged my own success and happiness more times than I can count: I’ve deliberately stopped studying for my college exams, stomped out my career, lost interest in reading and writing, erased my whole personality and generally stuffed my entire existence with overflowing nothingness. I'm literally not doing anything every single day. I don’t recognize the person I used to be a year ago. I have made myself as despicable and miserable as I always knew I was deep down, for everyone to see. Maybe there was something loveable in me before all of that, but now it’s long gone. I’m a pitiful and filthy waste of space. I don’t even feel like a person anymore, more like a puppet or a corpse. I’ve been abused all my life and now I’m just a useless piece of garbage, guess I should have seen it coming. Does a soulless thing like me still deserve to live and have a place beside actual living people? I’m genuinely asking, sorry if I sound dramatic…
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It's gonna be okay. I am not doing well right now but I'm recovering and so can you, infact I have already recovered a bit and if I can recover at all then you can recover fully.
ReplySometimes those feelings of self loathing trap us in a prison of our own mental hell. I still battle with those feelings from time to time and it does sideline me for a day or two. I've found what works best for me in those moments is to complete some small tasks. Finishing something simple as cleaning up, washing clothes, or a light workout allows me to reset.
You may feel dejected. You may feel despondent. But just know that you are human and still deserve to live a dignified life. I can sense there's still a sliver of hope left in you.
Envision the you of one year ago and slowly work towards the returning towards that state. Through resilience and the courage to move forward you'll overcome this struggle and become a much stronger person. I believe you can do it.
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