My Worst Fear

My worst fear is doing all this for nothing. I am afraid that my suffering is for nothing. I believe in God. God is why I’m still here. Yet, I’m afraid. I am at the point where if I’m not doing school work then I am drowning in my mind. So I put pressure on myself to constantly be busy because if I’m not doing something, God saved me for nothing. If I’m not putting everything I can into something that could potentially be good then I am worthless. I can’t take breaks, not mentally at least. I am almost always suffocating from the pressure I put on myself. I’ve failed everyone already so If I’m not doing the best I can then I’m just pathetic. My worst fear is that I haven’t changed.