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I Cheated, But Only Feel a Little Guilty For It.
1 year ago · 5 · what should i do, +1 · Explicit
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Where to start..? So I've been with my hubby for nine years. When we first met, we had such amazing chemistry. We spent every hour together, we did almost everything together, he was very mesmerized and attracted to me and the sex.. oh damn the sex was amazing! I felt like he put me on a pedestal and adored me so much. He made me feel like the most wonderful woman in the world. Things had been going great for years. Now let's fast forward five years later..
Life got really busy for me as I had to take care of my mother who was very sick and ended up having to quit my job due to that reason. My hubby had to pick up the slack and work overtime and well as odd jobs just to keep us afloat. While he did that, I tried my best to be the best housewife I could be; cleaning, cooking, laundry, taking care of our child, etc. But to me it seems as if it was never enough to him. To me all it seemed like he ever wanted to do was work (even on his off days) and he always found an excuse to leave the house when he couldn't work.
And now fast forward to present day. It honestly feels like the love is completely gone. I feel like I have a roommate instead of a husband, he doesn't acknowledge me when I look or dress good, all he wants to do is what he wants and never focuses on our family and the worst part... We have not had sex in over three years. Time and time again I've brought it up to him and all he does is make excuses. Whether it be he's too tired, he's not feeling it or he's had a hard day it's always something to keep the subject at bay.
I don't feel like he's attracted to me anymore (I've gained some weight and don't have the same slender figure I use to), and he constantly 'sneak' compliments other women on social media that he knows personally. We have gotten into fights due to this. He tells me that I'm being paranoid and I should stop spazzing over it. To me it's completely disrespectful especially when I see comments like 'Oh wow u look good' and 'Keep up the good work on that bangin body' on another woman's profile when he never ever says that to me.
So one night I had finally had it with his flirting and games online with other females. I went to a bar with a girlfriend and ordered a couple drinks. About an hour into the night, this fine guy comes up to me and says to me "You look like your having a bad night, anyway I can make it better?". And from there was when I started my journey of infidelity.
This man is fine as all hell and looks like he came out of a men's fashion magazine. He has such a charming smile, pays attention to me and loves hearing about any and every detail of my life. He constantly calls me beautiful and sexy (two descriptive words I haven't been called in years) and is always trying to find things for us to do.
Two weeks after we met was when it happened. I told my husband that I was staying over at my cousin's house because we were going to drink and I didn't want to drive home (not like he cared anyways). So after I snuck over to my secret lovers house, he had dinner made and some romantic music on the radio. I was very flattered and pleased with this delightful surprise. Feeling special he scooted me into my chair and we dined on what he cooked. After we ate our delicious meal, we cuddled up and watched a movie.
A couple glasses of red wine led to us touching slowly, touching led us to an 'accidental' kiss, that kiss led us to making out, and from making out led to some romantic, passionate love making. Love making that was years overdue on my behalf. We ended up doing it all night until sunrise and afterwards I fell asleep in his arms. My body felt so free from the ordeal, I felt like a new woman once again! But then reality struck..
The following day I returned back to my normal dull life. I returned home to a husband who cares less about me or my kid, a home where I don't feel wanted or welcomed and a home where my needs are anything but taken care of. Now a part of me did feel guilty for cheating because of the long term relationship we've had and I ask myself 'How Could You'? But then the other half thinks hard and says 'If he truly cared he'd do something about it'.
I'm not sure how to feel anymore. It may sound hard to believe but I still love my husband but at the same time I love my new secret affair who I'm completely smitten over.
Is there anyone else out there who's in this same position? If so what did you do? What would you do? How would you feel? If you've had a similar experience, please share it with me! Thank you all. -LadyRoulette
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Please file a divorce before further damaging your relationship more than you're already doing. If you felt uncomfortable in any way with your husband there is talking and trying to get to the issue, if that doesn't work you may consider therapy or other methods to help you get over the bump.
It doesn't matter the reasons you had or have for such things, your feelings and reasons are valid and I respect it. But your husbands trust and feelings matter too, so if you are going to continue the affair file the divorce. It's better to come clean and do less damage as possible. As you're making it sound you're just feeling comfortable over the stability your husband provides over whatever thing you both built.
Imagine the opposite thing, even if you're already having the affair, finding out your husbands is cheating on you with someone else over the same things you'd be hurt too.
ReplyIf this is what’s truly happening, (considering I only have your side of the story) then there is nothing guilty or bad to feel about. 3 years no sex? He’s lucky it’s taking you that long to remain faithful. Remember you have to live for YOU. If he’s not making any attempt to spice up the marriage then you do what makes you happy. Cheating is often frowned upon but honestly sometimes it’s done because our other half’s just don’t care. Now if he was a perfect husband who was 110% involved and gave you the time and attention you deserve and you still cheat then that would be something else. Cheating isn’t often bad. Don’t fall victim and believe you don’t deserve better. Fuck it live a double life for a bit. Be happy with your new sex partner and enjoy the moments.
ReplyHis comments about other women is disrespectful to you. He's trying to make you jealous but all that behaviour of his does, is make you feel less for him. Men need to understand that.
ReplyThe correct thing to do is to stop the adultery, confess (that could mean to your husband or to your spiritual leader, or get spiritual guidance and ask if confessing to God is sufficient, I honestly don't know and everyone has their own faith), and also change your actions. The truth will set you free. "Set you free" can mean different things to different people, he might file for divorce, he might tell you he's been cheating also, he might ask you to move away to another city so you all can heal your marriage. But while he's in the dark, you are robbing him of one of God's greatest gifts to us - time. IF you cannot find the courage to let your husband know, then you should probably file for divorce and continue your love affair free of guilt.
Adultery has a lot of consequences, but there is hope that it can lead to the end of a bad chapter and the start of a new chapter. You are in a huge dilemma, best of luck with your decisions.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangilbe force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
ReplyNo man goes 3 years without sex! He's already having an affair or two! Your just late too the dance.
Reply