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My story. Tw sexual assault, verbal abuse, death, murder, self harm
1 year ago · 1 · Insomnia, +11 · Explicit
402
If you have been under the sexual assault tag I’m sure you have read some of my stories before. I have insomnia so yk why not share my story lol.
For starters, I am 15. I have a 17 year old brother.
Let’s start at the beginning, I have extreme social anxiety, adhd, and ptsd from growing up in the hospital. I have brachial plexus damage and where I’m from it’s rare so I was a little lab rat. I don’t have many friends and I never have, I’ve always just been the scary kid that will beat your ass. I never had many friends except this one girl named Nikki, however October of 2021 Nikki died in a car crash overnight. Then the one person I had left (her name was tori, she was 23 and marrying my boss’ son) tried to kill her fiance not even a week after nikki died. I didn’t know how to cope with any of it, I’ve had depression since I was 10, I was suicidal since I was 11. The only way I knew to cope was to cut but I couldnt after nikki, how could I kill myself when someone who didn’t even know how much I loved them suddenly dies. I was raised Christian and went to a youth group where I ended up having a really good friend we’re gonna call ‘D’. D is 17 and thought me and my brother were twins for a really long time, but D was nice to me and thought I was mature for my age so he was cool with us hanging out. We’re gonna call my brother C. C has always been my parents favorite no matter what. He gets away with everything and if C doesn’t wanna do it, we just won’t. Our whole lives depend on his decisions. I get yelled at a lot. And it’s not like oh no I didn’t do my chores Yelled at. It’s constant i will never be good enough and nothing I do will ever make my mom happy, it’s exhausting. Okay now to the ‘juicy’ stuff. My brother, C, sexually assaulted me from April of 2022 to September of 22. I didn’t tell anyone except D, D called the cops and the cops showed up at my house. They told my mom and she didn’t believe me. She thinks I lied to D since I’m so young for attention. She can’t even believe that her precious little baby boy would ever do that to anyone. It’s now been a year since it began. I can’t believe it’s been that long in all honesty, it feels like it was a few weeks ago at most. My trauma response is to block everything out so I didn’t even remember much and I know there is a lot still missing from the past few years. I got grounded for making up such horrible things about my brother and have been for 7 months. I’m scared of everything in all honesty. I cry if people yell because of my mom. I can’t sleep because I’m scared my brother will come in my room and touch me at night again. I can’t eat because I hate myself and the body he touched. I am no longer friends with D because my mom made me completely ghost him. I’m in and out of really bad waves of depression some days I can’t even move while others I just feel numb. My mom doesn’t believe I have any mental issues except me being insane for making that stuff up. I hate myself and everyone around me. I’m tired of living and I just want to die in all honesty. I have nothing to live for anymore.
Also just a little extra, my mom took me out of school in 6th grade because she didn’t like that I could talk to people without her knowing every word I say. So now I’m homeschooled. So no, I can’t just go talk to a school counselor and it’s not that easy to just call cps.
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I have no words. I'm so sorry that your parent's are like that. I'm terribly sorry that your brother is doing that to you. I don't even no you, and I'm crying. My heart broke for you. Your only 15. And he's doing that to you?? My name is Kendra. If you ever want to talk I'm right here for you. Is there any family that you go over and see? Or do they ever come to you? Is there anyone that would believe you there?
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