Venting about my father

I really hate my father. I dont feel right to say it but i do. He yells at me at every mistake, calls me stupid and inadequate. Shows me ferocity at my confusion. He never listens to what i say, nevermind hearing the reasons for why i do the things i did. Jumps straight to his perception and refuse to hear anything else. He would sooner yell and punish to discipline than come down to connect and understand.

Even worse he is religious. A Buddhist to be exact. Religion is supposed to teach you humbleness, especially this one. Now i have a raging repulseness to the religion because of him. Him and my mother wants the whole family to follow the religion. I dont mind most aspects but they want us to chant. They make me repent and vow things i dont accept. No, i do not vow to repent my righteous anger nor do i vow to be born into your eternal bliss. Life is to be lived here and now.

I have told them, I do not want to participate in this chanting. I do not have choice they say. So i hid in my room. And my father bangs my door with anger. I have been on edge and emotionally disregulated since. I imagine running away would be better than confronting them again.

Its funny, really. they complain and ask why i do not speak when my words are disrespected, ignored and silenced. Im told i have no choice, no say in what i can do, to ensure their happiness. Children are supposed to only make their parents happy after all. Their one and only job is to be an shell, a bot. If they sway from this they should be punished and beaten for trying to defy their one destiny

I really with I could drag them to see therapy. Everyone in this goddamn family needs it