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I hate myself, I can't remember when it started but these days it feels like I have always hated myself. I have a really bad temper, the times when I lose it, I hurt myself and the ones I care about. I spend most of my time hoping it's going to be my last, I am very scared of dying though, I am unsure as to whether my cowardice is a good thing or bad thing in this case. Everything I touch seems to go awry, and I can't seem to function in life. I have never been in a relationship and don't really have any close friends, I keep a lot to myself, even when I feel like whatever is bothering me is eating me up inside, even when it hurts so much I don't want to be here anymore. I lack ambition or the will to change and when I do try I find myself right back where I started unable to move forward.
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"[. . .] in those times I don't have an anecdotal piece of advice or words that are gonna fix your problem or even likely to make you feel better but if it does bring you any solace just know that I really honestly truly believe that you can get through it" Markiplier
In all my years alive, I figure the toughest of times I have when I don't know what to do; when excitement wears off and I'm left with my thoughts. I haven't found a solution to that problem yet, just recovery and hoping the next time I feel better.
Death plagues a lot of us. It's something that we never experienced. I think it's okay to be afraid of it, because the first thought that comes to my mind is that it's going to be painful. But when the moment comes, only then you will know what it is.
I never been in a relationship either.
I relate with your last sentence, because it's like my mindset falls comfortable and therefore I stop trying. But if I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and try, it's like not a thing changed.
I hope this helped you in any way, shape or form. Just know that I believe in you, and you're enough. I want you to write that somewhere and never forget it.
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