I wish they could see

I wish they could see the pain i feel inside, the demons slowly eating away at me, the anxiety crippling me... i keep googling what happens if you overdose or hang yourself but i dont think i want to die i just want someone to actually truely see the pain and just hold me... i feel so alone and trapped in a way i cant get away from because its my own head thats causing the problems. i want to scream and shout for people to listen but i dont want to because then they will just say i need help and i should reach outh for counselling or something. i feel ignored. i feel alone. i feel broken but yet i fake a smile constantly... i sit here and think maybe i do need to do something so that people will listen but at the same time i cant afford to... like financially i cannot afford to overdose or attempt hurting myself because if it fails then i dont have the time to sit waiting around to get better. everything feels so heavy and the weights are getting heavier everyday. i bef dor people to talk to me, to listen to me, to actually acknowledge me but its never enough... im not priority to anyone and i know that... i sit and cry. i just want this pain to end. how can you open up to people who dont want to help or listen or support. its breaking me everyday.