You'll never understand how you're killing me

It's been a while and after all I'm trying to convince myself that I'm happy whit you while I've spent months crying myself to sleep and cutting myself all over my body just to cope whit the pain you've been inflicting me over and all over.

You're never going to hear me talk again about how I'm actually feeling because all the time you told me to be honest whit you, I just tried to explain how much you made me suffer whit all your words and the hanger you've been never able to control. And every time you ended up being so mad at me, I've never been feeling safe or free since you're in my life,I'm kind of happy and I love you more than anything else and you matter so much.

But you made me end up alone bc of your jealously and for all the fake things that your "friends" make up about me and making you believe them over me.

For all the insults I took from you, for every time you told me you would have killed me that time and for all the times you just forget and get over the times you shattered me but you also keep bringing up anything I've done just to take me down. For forcing me to do things whit you, for lying to my face, for telling me that you would wait for me and my consent while you forced me and you keep forcing me.

For manipulating me just to get anything you want.

For making me want to end my life because of you and your friends.

For never helping me when all I've done is killing myself just to be whit you and make you have anything you'll ever need.

I've always been there for you while you're letting me die.

You're killing me and you'll never know because you'll never let me be happy.

I still love you and I wish you'll understand that, because I don't know if I'm able to let you go.

I just needed to let it all out, even if I don't have a signal soul that would listen.