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i don't know what to do anymore I have lost a girlfriend because I made immicher jokes to her friend with out knowing that she was her friend I made those jokes as a cry for help it seems like all i do is fuck up i am a big mistake i what to tell my family my dad and my mom what I'm going thru because they might know but at the same time I don't I'm worried if they think I'm faking it i have treated suicide before and they think I'm doing it for attention i an so i cant trust that if i say I'm sad they say I'm doing it for attention i just am a big fucking mistake i feel like if i die my family would miss me but after 2 years they wont care because a whet has been lifted and I'm torn because i don't want to die but I'm in so much pane and me making inpropriet jokes and dark humor was the only way to cry for help i i cant even fucking spell i have nothing Duse life get better after 15 or dose it stop there it there any happiness or just pane i always hated pity but now i feel like its the only way for someone to care about you because i tried to be my self that didn't work i feel like if i put on a mask of fake joy people would just leave me alone but i don't want to be left alone but i also do beaus friends are just emotional baggage they inevitably leave you and ill die alone because how would love a fat 15 year old that is sad and what is worth it i don't want to die but how many more fuck up can i do i thought i was at rock bottom but I'm nowhere close i have friends but i feel like i don't i have sum happyness but the bad outwaits that i have so bad anxiety that wen i felt like life would go my way it doesn't I'm just a failure what can I do i need help
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