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I've been depressed and suicidal for so long. I was supposed to be dead by now- planned to the T and everything.
I've been in therapy for over a decade and NOTHING works.
My biggest issue is locking onto things, objects, pets etc, now my boyfriend. I know I shouldn't latch onto these things but they give me a reason to live.
My boyfriend treat me like trash, he only cares for me when it's convenient for him, but the minute something more 'important' comes up in out the window. And believe me I'm pretty low down on this list. There are so many other issues and I've tried to end our relationship a multitude of times but I do love him so much.
I'm scared because I know the minute it ends and it will, that I will die. I will end my life. People always tell me there is a way out but for the last 15 years I still havent found one.
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ReplyGuess what it's ok to not be ok. Be kind to yourself. It's ok to attach yourself to what you love. You sound like you see your boyfriend in the real truthful ways he has. If it's enough then be with him if not detach. It's hard to see that the way out is to just let all of this be what you want. Would it be settling? That's for you to answer. You have a good mind and just figure out what you really need and want. You never know what tomorrow can bring so begin to do some self talk. When you think about suicide tell yourself " I want to live" say it to yourself over and over. It's about retraining your brain. It works! Self talk saves me. Remember this dear one death will come on its own and it sends no arrival notice so just forget about that. I wish you better days. Hugs
Replyi promise you that things will work out. even if you currently feel like there’s nothing, everyone was put on this earth for a reason and there truly are many reasons for you to stay. please stay strong ml, if you ever need to talk to anyone about this i’m always here, even if i don’t know you :)
ReplyIt can be understandable to give your all to your significant other, regardless of how they treat you, but I'll ask you this — why give your life for a person who you said treats you like trash? I believe based on what I've read that not only you have tried hard in therapy, but you're willing to give your life for this person. Is there a place where you can find something within you to latch to?
Replywell, letting go of someone hurts. but repeating the same mistakes again and again is worse than that, u r trying so hard to keep on keeping things, start slow first stop getting attached to objects try to throw them or even burn them it will help u. and *GIVE TIME, SOME TIME* TIME HEALS EVERYTHING WELL NOT HEAL BUT IT CAN ACTUALLY PASS. SO ITS up to u now hang on or move on.
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